Thanks for the links and the increased understanding.
Concept..
Write in first person singular. Ditch the dog and dog house, toss in some I's, me's, lowercase she's. Depression advances on those who embrace avoidance. I know that dance alll too well.
Learning how to write from the heart is a step in allowing emotions to flow. And you may ask.. how did I learn how to do that?
It wasn't through college education, business writing, keeping a journal. It was from admiring how one woman in my department always seemed to write the most incredible things on birthday cards. I asked her how she did it.
"I write from my heart."
Well.. what in the heck does that mean?
"I hold the pen, look at the paper, think of the person and write what feels right."
Aren't you afraid you're going to look really stupid, sound stupid, say something really wrong?
She shook her head no, shrugged her shoulders, handed me the pen and card and said... "You try."
Soliciting advice from experienced D'd people here on what to expect for Thanksgiving. The kids want to have it together at her house. As far as I know it's just us; no extended family or friends.
Bring a side dish, hang out for a few hours, make nice?
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
(Cross posted - Antlers asked how I was doing. Thought I'd share it here.)
Mentally - My thinking is mushy at times but functional. Sleep is difficult. I only sleep about three hours at a time all the while working on some complicated project in my head. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up the next morning.
Spiritually - Not getting to Zen as often as I would like. I feel good about my actions.
Emotionally - Lots of ups and downs but Pdoc didn't seem to be too worried about it. Par for the course right now. It's a very delicate balance to keep upright and not get toppled by little events. I need to use my tools better and not dwell.
I feel better when I'm detached from the She.
I have been wondering why I have always felt such intense emotions about everything? Why do I agonize over events that others just live with?
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
It doesn't relate to much here but the youngest lost a stuffed animal someplace between here and there so we spent a good portion of the evening retracing steps. Up and down the grocery store aisles, asking at each counter, even sifted through a trashcan at the McD with a kind and sympathetic worker. Nope.
I did the best I could but I felt bad for the little guy losing his toy.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Sorry to hear about your child and the loss of the precious stuffed animal. That can be draining.
At one point anything that happened only magnified how upset I was over the divorce process. When backing in to a parking spot, my fancy sports car dipped over the edge into a deep water filled hole where it was inexorably wedged. It was frustrating since I was in the cell phone waiting area of an airport and there to pick up my brother. I wailed to the AAA guy.. "My car is stuck AND my husband left me."
The same thing happened when I left the gas station with the nozzle still in the gas tank which snapped off making the car look like it'd grown a puppy dog tail. "I broke the hose AND my husband left me!"
My children would have difficulty in a situation and I'd feel inadequate. "They're hurt AND (/or because) my husband is divorcing me."
It added insult to injury. I came to realize that I used those and other times to focus on the unfairness, sense of victimization, emotional chaos of this painful process.
In the end it was the normal trials and travails of life where through my own frustration I assigned greater anxiety and emotion because of my own hurt.
Kids lose their favorite possessions, homework, get boo boos, sick. In my case I felt that sense of 'aloneness' so strongly, not having another parent, partner as backup.
When these things happen, it sucks but there's always a lesson. Keep your focus. You're a sweet dad. Take yourself for a walk instead of the black dog. Me.. I stumble, flail about then when something positive happens.. Hello! I'm back. The worst case scenario is never as bad as the reality.
Being strong doesn't mean meaning perfect. Try every day to be a little better in some way shape or form. The rest will follow.
Try to be a little better than yesterday.The rest will follow. Hmm... I can think of several things over the past few months. I'll keep movin'.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The worst case scenario is never as bad as the reality.
Being strong doesn't mean being perfect. Try every day to be a little better in some way shape or form. The rest will follow.
I know, we sometimes make things worse in our own minds than they are in reality.
Staying strong and being strong is something that we have to constantly work at.
I guess I'll be on this forum soon enough, unfortunately. It's hard to choke down the abject rejection that I feel from someone who once cared about me.
Hey O'dog. You doin' OK today?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
