Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[ClingingToHope]

Hernias don't heal on their own. You are going to have to bite the bullet at some point.

You are still in the house. I am out and lately I'm wondering if leaving was the right move. I mean, she asked me to repeatedly and finally I got to the point where I wanted to show her it wasn't me making her unhappy.

But by law I didn't have to go. Of course, if I didn't move out, I'm not sure I would have started going to a new church that offers Marriage Rebuilders classes. I've learned so much about how I contributed to her emotional downfall and the building of the wall between us that I feel confident that it would be a much better marriage between us if she lets me back in her heart.

It is easier to GAL when you move out because YOU HAVE TO. But I'm always wondering how she's supposed to notice since I'm not there. But then I remember being unavailable is part of the allure. That as the single life marches on, she may decide it's not all that it's cracked up to be and start thinking of me.

I've already found -- snooping, I know a bad thing -- evidence that she is not exactly living La Vida Loca without me.

Another HUGE difference between you and I is that I live in the hometown I grew up in and have been at my job for 13 years. So I have a network of friends that have been able to help on occasion. Not always though, most of the friends my age are married so I've spent some time out with 20 somethings, which is fun, but there's generational issues.

If I was still in the house, what would I be doing? Well, through the Rebuilders class I'm focusing on three things.

1) Become a world-class listener. Listen, validate, don't fix things.

2) Learn to underreact. I'm mostly trying this with my daughters, although W has brought up divorce or having "to go to an appointment" in a couple of phone calls and I brushed it off because I think she was looking for or expecting a reaction.

3) Don't give advice unless it is asked for. I guess that's part of not fixing things. But I've been one of those people who are too smart -- or at least I thought too smart -- for their own good. If people want me to help fix something, they just have to ask -- it doesn't encourage conversation if I'm always butting in.