Treese, Maybe you are trying too hard to detach and too quickly. It's a slow process and one that will take place in its own time. Instead of trying to detach quickly, just let things flow and you find things of interest to keep you busy. One day, you will wake up and everything will have fallen into place w/o you even trying.
Also, you have children that tend to make detachment rather tough when it comes to your h. That's why it's important not to expect anything from him at all. In time, if your expectations stay at zero and you do not expect or rely on him for anything, the detachment will take place. You are still expecting and relying on him for things when it comes to your son. It's understandable, because he was your h for many years and was there for your family as well. However, he's gone, making a new life for himself and you and your family are no where to be found in his life right now. So, you need to let him go and carve out a new life w/o him. You will find a way...we all do....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
