I am so upset with myself. I feel like I was going so well and have now caused H to walk out and start formal separation. Just last week he brought a financial asset due to mature in 1-2 years and put it in both our names, our status last week was "unsure", but things were relaxing around the house.
I understand how you feel..... but there's no way that one action caused him to change course that much. My guess would be more that he was just looking for the "excuse". He wants to be able to blame you. Don't kick yourself. Just pick yourself up and keep going.
When you put it like that it makes sense. He had said previously last November was when he decided to leave although he waited until March to Bomb due to xmas and kids birthdays.
I just got off the phone from him calling me. He is coming to "put this to bed once and for all". He wants to sort out all the "arrangements", custody, assets, over the kitchen table so we can then work out what to take to lawyers. He sounded very raw and also angry (he hates conflict, but should settle down after talking for a bit). We have had these discussions before, so I am not sure how much more there is to add.
I can't handle the thought of being away from my little toddlers, its so hard.
I know this is not what you were wanting or expecting. However, at this point, it sounds to me like he is feeling pressure from somewhere to take some sort of action. Of course, it really is internal pressure from himself, and that is something you need to remember. He would be feeling this if you had sat in a corner and not moved like a houseplant for the last year. These are his feelings.
He will try to make you feel like this is your fault. It is not. You know that by now.
We come into this knowing there are no guarantees…
Your plan sounds like a good one. Know that this may be what he needs to begin to move along through his fog.
My suggestion to you, would be to try to find whatever positive you can out of this.
It won’t come quickly, it won’t be easy, but you will do it.
Right now, what you are feeling is all fear. I used to have that as well. Fear that my H would come home and tell me he was walking out the door, even though we were already separated in the same house, I still was terrified of that. It kept me really stuck for a long time. When I was able to finally get past that fear, when I looked at myself and realized that even though he was physically present, I still had been doing this on my own for a really long time, I was able to become less afraid. Then I was able to begin taking steps for me.
You are a very strong woman, who already does the raising of kids, maintaining of the house on your own simply because your H travels. So just know now, have faith in yourself that you can keep going on.
You can do this, and you can continue your life and your stand if you choose, while he is moving along his own path. Even a divorce doesn’t always mean the end of this road…
((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
My biggest concern is my toddlers and the pain they are about to go through.
H will be here within the hour, I will be ok with the talk and don't mind living alone. I feel caught on the back foot as indications were that this would not come up until after xmas so my head was just so not in the space.
Your little ones will follow your example. If they see you in pain, they will think it should cause them pain. If they see you moving forward, staying confident and strong, they will stay confident and strong. I'm not saying it won't hurt, just that you can have a lot to say about how much it hurts.
