For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Thanks Gardener & bluerain for your input. I know it's not healthy and although I don't really think it's an addiction, I for sure think it's a dependence and that he is self-medicating. I'm going to think about your suggestions and try to come up with the best way to handle this.

Gardener, if I may ask (and will totally understand if you don't want to answer), what made you change (you said you were there - buzzed)? And if someone (like your S) would have said something to you, how would you have reacted? What would have been the best way to talk you about it?

When he was living here, I tried to make the beer "rule" be "fair." IDK how else to describe it. Since we had many fights about this, I wanted to have a "rule" that was...I guess fair to everybody and a rule that we could all live by. I asked that if he wanted to have a beer to wait until our DD went to bed. That way - he could have his beer to relax, my DD didn't have to see it, he wasn't drinking around her, he wasn't at all impaired around her and I knew if he didn't have a beer until 8:30pm or so that he wouldn't have a chance to have more than 1-2 or a night. It seemed to me like a fair compromise. He didn't love the idea, but he really didn't fight it either. But, I know he thought it was another version of me trying to be a controlling biatch. Not sure how that same rule would go over if he was back living here.

Onto a different topic. He sent me another text message with a sexual comment so last night I sent this, "u can get a flipping clue, dude. no man is gonna treat me the way u do & get sex! hello....R E S P E C T...find out what it means to 2 me." I was annoyed and I just snapped back at him. Don't know if I should have just ignored him or what.

That's what I always say, don't know, don't know, don't know. Ugh! Maybe I need to change that to - don't care, don't care, don't care.