I never thought I would be here

[SpinFree]

Tried the "I have some thinking to do" approach... that didn't work as she keeps asking the question.

All right.
"I'm busy right now with XXX. Can we talk later."
"I told you, I need my space can you please respect that. You have always been like this pressure, pressure, pressure."
"We dont need to talk about anything, if you want one so bad do what you want. I am going out to tonight. let me get ready alone. and see you later."

I always liked, "Please don't be so clingy and needy. It's not attractive. I've said that I'll get back to you. Please respect that and await my decision."
SpinFree

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I always liked, "Please don't be so clingy and needy. It's not attractive. I've said that I'll get back to you. Please respect that and await my decision."
SpinFree

Oh man, I am SO stealin' that . . .

Puppy

[2overcome]

I just hope I can keep calm and have a clear head... and that I don't stumble on my words. I am the type of person where it sounded good in my mind, but the words come out a different way - I know it's time to break that for my own sake! I have so much pent up frustration and anger over this whole thing - I think I have just bottled up everything since the bomb and never really faced it - just swept it under the rug when it comes to my feelings. I need to pray that God give me strength beyond strength and clarity, A LOT of patience, and wisdom - I just want to explode! I want to break something but I am at work and I would hate to lose my job!! I think the sooner I can deal with what I am feeling and accept it for what is the better off I will be!

[robx]

so go out in your vehicle for a second, move it to another parking spot and scream your head off, seriously, you have all this pent up anger, rage & frustration in you and it has to come out. If you don't do it now, it will come out during the "talk" and you don't want that.

You want to be calm and confident.

Follow the script that we've laid out, follow our directions, I seriously hope that tomorrow you don't start posting something like "... well I started off well but then I lost my cool and I did this and it didn't work out as well"

No excuses!

Excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.

You want different results, do something differently, the stuff we've presented is different.

Remember, you are now to employ the WAS attitude as your own, you aren't the LBS, you are the WAS, you have reason to let her go.

[2overcome]

Thanks for the pointers rob and everyone. Believe me I am taking it to heart. And I know anger in a situation like mine does more harm than good. Thanks for mentioning the WAS attitude again, I keep forgetting about that and need to start wiring myself in that mentallity right now, accept it, be it... do or do not - there is no try...

[Steve McQueen]

I, personally, am not trying to make you angry or sad but rather I hope some of things I write can help you gain control over your emotions and the situation you find yourself in; And hopefully help you to think and begin to know yourself as an individual now instead of concentrating on your wife and her behaviors. As bowing to her threats and demandings and taking a weak position will most likely cause your situation to drag on lengths that will take a toll on your self esteem, confidence, and your ability to turn this situation around quickly and effectively.

Regarding anger. Although it is a common and instinctive initial reaction, if you allow it to control you you will lose your ability to relax, concentrate, slow your reaction time and cause you to react incorrectly in anything you do. During my dilemma, I took up Tae Kwon Do. It provided me not only an outlet for my frustrations but also helped me to understand myself in combat situations and how to maintain control of my body, mind and emotions.

Depending on how dominant and stubborn your wife is you may need an outlet for your emotional energy. Primal Screams, punching bags, kicking people or running till your lungs burn will help keep you out of the looney bin. As my situation progressed, it began to affect my daughter noticeably. We bought guitars and really loud amps. We now have a little secret between us that when either of us if angry or frustrated over the living conditions we'll head out to the garage and start playing Thin Lizzy's Breakout. The other one of usually plugs in for wah wahh wahhhhh. Very Relaxing song to play really loud. Breakout.

"Do you hear what i say, from under my breath?" LOL

[2overcome]

I will probably be listening to some loud heavy angry music on the way home so I can get whatever anger is left out. I have been considering picking up my guitar again and maybe persuing my dream of music again since I put it on the backburner when I stepped up to my responsibilities to my job, family, marriage, etc. I feel a little better now, just need to stop psyching myself out thinking of how this will all go down.

[Steve McQueen]

lol. jailbreak. loss of memory = time for a drink.

[Gnosis]

I have been considering picking up my guitar again and maybe persuing my dream of music again since I put it on the backburner

Yes, do that. That is what "Get a life" is all about. i.e. Doing things for you that make YOU happy and take your mind off... well you know who.

Other than that you have received 100% pure golden advice from robx, PDT and SMQ. Follow it to the letter no matter how "counter-intuitive" it is and you'll find yourself crawling out of this hole a lot sooner.

All the best.

[chatterbug]

I will probably be listening to some loud heavy angry music on the way home so I can get whatever anger is left out. I have been considering picking up my guitar again and maybe persuing my dream of music again since I put it on the backburner when I stepped up to my responsibilities to my job, family, marriage, etc. I feel a little better now, just need to stop psyching myself out thinking of how this will all go down.

The new Lamb of God album will fit that nicely