So, how do you get "innocent bystander" from "equally guilty, blameworhty, culpable for horrible things"???????
A parent's romantic partner/significant other who is in a child's life IS an important person, whether you like it or not. I agree that they aren't a given, that they aren't essential to the child's well-being, that in many cases it would be better if they weren't in the kids' lives.
But, we are talking about when the OP IS IN THE CHILDREN's lives. Unless there is a threat of emotional/physical harm that rises to the level of legal action being possible, you (and I didn't mean you in particluar, I meant "you LBSs in general) CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Lack of acceptance of this and ongoing fighting, bitterness, resentment harms the children.
Further, pretty much everyone here was willing to take back a wayward spouse who had an A. That means that they believe a person who has had an A is capable of being a decent, loving person, and parent, when kids are involved. If the WAS are redeemable, then so is the A partner.
Furthermore, who is suggesting that the children should be forced to embrace the new step-parent figure? As far as I can see, the only suggestion is that the LBS leave the harms done in a no longer existing R in the past and stop putting their kids in the middle of bitter adult relationships to avoid making love toxic for them.
