Can I save my marriage?

[Super Girl]

Robx, that was so brilliant I felt like I was it by the 2x4 too. lol

Hang in there and be patient, Britt. You don't want to sprint to the finish line.

[Lll54]

Hanging in there. Sent him a text this morning because he is taking care of babysitter sitch for sat. night. So I just wanted to remind him, and sure enough he sent back saying thanks for the reminder because he forgot. And "Have a Good Day!" ugh. He's being so nice, but I just want to hell to the roof tops "I would have a good day if you would just be here!" Anyways, I agree what Robx said did wonders for me. I've got to drop a lot of my attitude and release a lot of tension built up in me, cause its getting me nowhere. Today is a house cleaning day, then taking the boys for their shots. Hang out tonight, then on to a new day.

[robx]

britt I can't remember if you & your husband have been physically intimate recently, if so, if that situation provides itself again, you can use that time to "yell from the rooftops", in fact I would encourage it, he might like knowing how much you enjoy being intimate with him.

[Lll54]

Actually that's what a girlfriend of mine had mentioned to me last night. Yes we were intimate a week and a half ago. Quite intimate. He initiated it all. He initiates everything, even just simple hugs. He initiated pushing me into a corner in the kitchen yesterday subtly flirting with me and getting so close that he was about to kiss me. So my girlfriend suggested maybe initiating something. Next time he gets close to me, take it to the next level and see what he does. If he is flirting and asking open ended questions looking for certain answers, and going in for hugs, and the other day he went in for a cheap feel, then maybe I should do it as well. She thinks that maybe he feels like he's doing all the work and not getting a response. So ya, next time I have the chance I'm going to react differently than I have been which is kind of cold to his intimacy because I'm scared to give him too much. But we'll see, its my new experiment. Maybe he will like it coming from me for once.

[Ready2Change]

Maybe he will like it coming from me for once.

Sounds like a good 180....

[Lll54]

Hey! Thanks! I never thought of it that way! That is what our whole marriage was like. He ALWAYS initiated any kind of touch. I lost a lot of my sex drive and even just everyday intimacy when I had my boys. And it got really bad to the point where we would argue about it everyday. It started coming back this summer and was getting better. He would always comment on how nice it is when I would come up to HIM, and when I would kiss HIM first, etc. So ya, you're right. That would be a 180! Thanks for the insight! Much appreciated!

[Coach]

K, so I need some clarification. I have read DB and the whole holding off the "R" talk. Does anybody have any proven success at this? I'm completely just needing some honest clarification on this. I understand it is part of the process, but I just don't quite understand why? And if it works? thanks to anybody that can clarify this for me!

B54, You posted this over on Sad Girls thread.

If you talk about the R now what comes up? All the things you have done wrong and now you are changing but's it's too little too late. Why couldn't you have done that before when it would have mattered? So just show the changes, show true giving and filling their love buckets, really listen, validate, take care of yourself, and be consiistent in your changes and growth. You do all of these things for your benefit. "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Eventually R talks will come up but you want them after you are secure in your new and improved self. You will backslide but you want to be higher up the mountain when it happens. R talks will keep you stuck in a hole when you are starting out.

Cheers

[TrentC]

If you talk about the R now what comes up? All the things you have done wrong and now you are changing but's it's too little too late. Why couldn't you have done that before when it would have mattered?

So just show the changes, show true giving and filling their love buckets, really listen, validate, take care of yourself, and be consiistent in your changes and growth. You do all of these things for your benefit. "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Eventually R talks will come up but you want them after you are secure in your new and improved self. You will backslide but you want to be higher up the mountain when it happens. R talks will keep you stuck in a hole when you are starting out.

Well put, Coach.

[Lll54]

That's true. The first and only R talk we had was a week and a half ago and that's exactly what he said. " Why couldn't you be like this before when it mattered? Why change now that we're separated" I didn't really know what to say except that now I'm changing for me and hoping to make my changes everlasting. Whether he wants to be there to share them with me I guess only time will tell. You're right, I'm too fragile to talk "r" right now. I just hope it isn't too late when i feel like I'm finally secure.

[TrentC]

That's true. The first and only R talk we had was a week and a half ago and that's exactly what he said. " Why couldn't you be like this before when it mattered? Why change now that we're separated" I didn't really know what to say except that now I'm changing for me and hoping to make my changes everlasting.

Well put.

If you can make the changes stick, then he will have to reconsider what he is doing.