Kerry, he has been a good dad and a good comitted father and "fiance" for 6 and 10 years. I have no other indications he has cheated on me before. And for all these years I had access to passwords, accounts, phones etc. Which makes me feel stupid I didnt realise the sudden change of habbits meant something was up. I like to believe that this was not the "norm" for him. I really think, he fell for her cause we were so damn tired and fed up with all the deaths and sicknesses and the 2 little kids. EVERYTHING clicked. Including the way I treated him.
stbxh was very respected by all our friends and often used as role model from my GFs to their Hs. Imagine that!!! I havent yet met met a man so involved and so helpful in the house, with no bad habbits (gamble,porn etc) with so little time spent with his friends, so good with money and so loyal to his family (incl parents and sister). What happened seems so...out of character. Remember even the C didnt believe he was capable of cheating with this duty notion he lives his life by.
Which of course, makes this A much much more than a sexual addiction. She must have really won his heart. And that is why, I cant relax, the emotional attachment to her was too great to just die 100%.
So, I dont think it is the Spartan origin, I think it is the fact that he is not a bad person. Just weak. K
Since he previously held himself to such high standards, can't you see that there are at least two people "beating him up"?? He can't believe he did this, so truly out of character. Don't give her all that much credit, he was in a vulnerable position and they both leapt.
Thinking of you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know he is a good man. Give him and yourself time Maria. Time will be the great healer in all of this.
I do think there will be big tests along the way. There will be bad days for you where bitchy Maria pops up. How he handles those rare moments will be the biggest test.
Good Morning all!! Things are quiet here. The weather is sunny AND rainy.
I am fed up with stxH and his priorities' list. I tried to tell him that job cant stop life and that the fact he again is in the middle of a mess at work doesnt mean I should put my needs or life on hold. I said it in a nice way. I also practised the three fold sentences :When you refuse/postpone to clear the situation with her, it make sme feel like my emotions dont matter and I get disappointed and dicouraged not to mention worried you are leaving the door open on purpose.
He couldnt talk because he was in an office with another 4 people and said we will talk about these "later".
Patience is essential but I am having a hard time finding the balance between being patient and not ignoring my needs. And we know where ignoring my needs leads me :resentment.
I need some emotion/passion in my life. We never got the second honeymoon phase and probably will not the way things go. stbxh's nameday is on Sunday. I dont know what to buy him. I was thinking of a digital photo frame and load up some of our pictures on it. But I am not sure yet... K
Thanks Jack!