Your wife is shacked up with another guy living at her brothers. She was crying over and choosing another man over you in a hospital bed. You need to develop some confidence in yourself as an individual to regain control in your marital relationship.
If physical contact is going to allow your wife to direct your emotional connection to her, it would be best that you completely avoid her until you can answer that question for yourself. Now if she was to end all contact and communication with this guy and move back home to work on your relationship, I am a firm believer that sex fixes everything.
