You are in a lot of pain and doing pretty well with it. You are strong and brave and loving. Sometimes a more objective perspective can help move you forward a bit though...
As for STBX's GF, your H was interacting with her in a way in which such dialog was possible. She did not plug into his brain and program him. As for this: "why are you still cosnidering going back, your kids are fine, they have accepted the divorce, you time with them is less but better," I can pretty much promise you he heard things like this from plenty of people trying to make him feel better. Not saying it is right, merely that it is pretty standard stuff said to comfort people going through D....
It sounds like you are still blaming her for your STBX's choices. But they were HIS choices. People do what they want to do. They largely hear what they want to hear. The GF did not cause your M to fail, rather the deep problems in the M caused the A. That may be hard to swallow, but it is actually much more empowering than blaming the GF. For, it means that in future Rs, you have the power to act in ways that prevent those deep problems from arising.
