I never thought I would be here

[BigJohn]

Robx,

Fantastic posts above as usual. Great insight and advice. Is it any wonder I started a post awhile back with your name in it? Hardly!

2OC,

You need to take what Robx and Puppy are telling you to heart, they are right on point with what is going on here. Especially in the early stages of your sitch, your position needs to be a balance of both strength and understanding. By "understanding" I mean actively listening to what your W is telling you about her new found feelings, empathizing, agreeing with her feelings even if you don't fully agree and/or understand them, etc. In other words, you are going to stand by your W while she deals with her problem/s in a responsible fashion.

By "strength" I mean that you are going to help define for her what it means to handle her feelings/problems responsibly. First and foremost, this requires her to respect you. One of the traps you need to be very mindful of in your sitch is giving your W too much latitude in her behaviors/actions as a result of trying to be understanding, giving her "space", etc. It is an easy trap to fall into- I'm speaking from personal experience here. The faster you can establish a strong position with your W the better off you are going to be in terms of trying to save your M as well as maintaining your mental/emotional/physical health. Reading some of your prior posts I think you have lost some ground here with your W. You need to stop the bleeding now and regain control of the sitch. You are not a punk; don't let your W and/or her OM treat you as such.

Your priority right now is to first develop some basic boundaries with your W and establish in no uncertain terms that you will not accept being disrespected further. Puppy, RobX and others can give you good feedback in this area. You may also benefit from reading "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. You can pick up a copy on Amazon. It's cheap, a good read and will help get your head straight on how things need to go down in your sitch with your W.

Once you have sufficient control over your sitch with set boundaries and expectations with your W you can start delving into better understanding what is going on with her and the MR. There are several good threads on this forum that explore this topic in great detail including my original thread over at WAS forum.

Hang in there and good luck.