I never thought I would be here

[robx]

Tried the "I have some thinking to do" approach... that didn't work as she keeps asking the question. But I am confronting her on this "friend" issue after work today...

Good! About F!@#$% time!

You know after reading the past few posts and thinking the more I realized she has disrespected me, and I'm not going for that sh**! I guess I was too blind, too nice, and too focused on trying to be positive to see that. And the more I think about it the more it gets my blood boiling.

Get rid of the anger before you talk to her. Showing too much anger shows that you're still emotionally invested in her, her BS-meter will catch that and she won't believe a word of what you're saying.

So my biggest priority is to vent all of the rage out before I get home, and call the bullsh** flag on her.

Yes, go somewhere right now and scream your head off for a few minutes, yell, swear and get it all out of you. Trust me it will do wonders for you! The important thing is this, you don't do that to her, you're better than that, don't sink down to that level and a real man doesn't have to yell & swear at anyone to get their point across.

I love her but I am not her doormat. I have done my best to respect her.

Now repeat that part to yourself about a million times, you are NOT her doormat, you are NOBODY's doormat! You hear that sound, that's the sound of your self-esteem rising again - it's a beautiful thing and it's attractive to women, you are respecting yourself again, you are valuing yourself again, you don't have to settle for crap behavior, life is too short for that!

She recently lost weight after she was diagnosed with a medical condition and once we got her on the diet based on her medical condition I thought she was looking hot. I have loved her no matter what she looked like, and I told her that. But I know then she wasn't happy with herself and whatever I would say or do wouldn't convince her otherwise (while she still had the weight). She loses the weight gets extra attention from guys, and then lets it get to her head and wants to go this route! WTF ?!?! I don't need this s***!

Well it's a good thing I didn't mention anything about her losing weight and changing her appearance ;-)

Yes and that external validation, that attention she gets from other guys, it's a drug, I experienced this in my own situation, to my wife it's a drug and it wasn't something I was going to tolerate in my life. It's also a sign of low self-esteem on her part that she needs to seek external validation from other men to feel good about herself, but treating other people poorly is also a sign of poor self-esteem: that's how they feel good about themselves, making other people around them feel even worse.

When you do see her tonight, bring her into a room like the kitchen and sit her down at the table and look at her as if you have discovered a huge ugly secret about her and with a smug look on your face tell her, "WE need to TALK!"

And then proceed with what we've laid out, give her a moment to digest it and when she starts to reply back with excuses or explanations or tries to turn it around, remember what I said about ending that conversation, use the material as it's shown above and then turn your back & walk away confidently.

If you do it properly, that's where you will take back your portion of the control in the relationship.

You'll only get to this stage if you are properly prepared.

One last thing to pollute your brain with LOL! ....
Some guys have gotten to this point and their wives have even brought up marriage counselling, that's the point where you say "considering all that you've done to me so far, I'm going to have to think long & hard before even considering investing my energy into something like that. You've been extremely disrespectful to me and I can't forgive that so easily".

Remember, the WAS mentality, that's the mentality you have to use. It's your decision now to leave the relationship considering all the crap she's pulled - that's how you change the dynamic in your relationship, that's how the shift happens, it's your decision now whether or not this is worth it.