Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[Kettricken]

You're probably right about the proper response, if I am understanding that your suggested response is to throw down hard, firm, and serious (although not mean). I don't get where the smile comes in.

I really don't.

I never understood this "testing" stuff from the moment I read about it. You guys are probably going to think I'm naive and just oblivious and I do it and don't know it. Mebbe. Don't think so though. The problems I've caused in our relationship, I've mostly caused by being *over*tender of my husband's feelings. Full fusion, and *just* as bad in many ways, but totally alien to this bitchy pushy testy denigrating stuff. That mindset and behavior, conscious or unconscious, supposedly so "feminine", simply baffles me.

What's-his-name, from Seattle -- Gottman? doesn't he say that contempt is the all-time number one marriage killer? I agree with him. It's hard for me to see any positive response to expressed contempt as anything other than capitulating to a terrorist....

So seriously. Why smile in response? (I assume you mean external smile, if not, please clarify.)