At the risk of being told I am being defensive I am just including a part of my post after Gucci's initial post. I feel the need to do this after just reading the last instalments especially when Gucci says, "They can hate the OW and yet can't see that their WS are no better than the OW. They need to start placing the blame where it should go...."
Originally Posted By: Cas05
I appreciate Gucci's words because they have given me plenty to think about..... I did say I was jealous of H spending time with ow. I didn't say anything else about her. I agree with Gucci, H is as bad as ow. I am wasting my life here. Bottom line is that H wasn't true in good times and in bad...
I hear the following advice and I know you will correct me if I am wrong!!
Remain civil and friendly with H but don't be a friend. Certainly don't initiate.
Detach from the whole situation
Get out and enjoy a life that is separate from H, including dating
YES, congratulate him!! I would not stop with just that. I would expel more....like....."you worked so hard, I am happy for you" or "I am glad you told me, I know you were nervous about passing, I knew you would pass the exam the whole time".
I would do this......YES, I would.
I am not sure by treating our H's with short attitude and using only brief comments is the answer.
For me, (guys....hit me hard if you want) IF I treat H better (which I have been doing) I am more likely to change his emotions and thoughts about the relationship. It doesn't mean that we have to stop DB, GAL, DETACH. When they reach out to us they do it because they WANT to. So why not stroke their ego when given the opportunity. Afterall it's how the OW got him away from us in the first place.
Guys, I would be very interested to hear just exactly how you would want to be treated by us if you were our H's. Keep in mind....."as if" you are in our sitches at this point in time.....you no longer hate our guts, enjoy our company, enjoy intellectual or light-hearted conversations with us (the communication level is frequent now), are turned on just be looking at us, AND.... YOU SEEK US OUT.....for whatevah!!!! (My H invited me for lunch yesterday and I went.....)
These are very confusing situations.
Obviously men and women have different ideas in handling relationships.
Cas, I love the turn your thread has taken. I am wondering if success can be achieved by mixing up the two methods.
Guys, chime in now........
(((((Cas)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
I think a simple well done should suffice anything more would be pursuing. If he wants to include you in any celebrations he’ll ask and it’s up to you to decide whether or not to attend.
I can see Sanderika’s point, but this isn’t about getting our friends back is it? I’m sure you’ve got loads of friends it’s probably a H you’re short on.
Your summary seems about right. Walk the higher path.
In our sitch it’s when they appear to be closer that we need to be particularly careful about rushing in with the pressure, leave it alone and just see how it plays out. Bit like a scab, the more you pick at it the worse it gets!
I'm thinking you're right Bonny. He sent me the message about the exam result but there'll be no celebrations to worry about; that's not his style at all.
