Rob, next time, you DO NOT ask her if she wants to do something. That little question right there, send her the message "I'm still waiting darling and will be" which translated to "Rob is still "mine", I can still do as I please with no fear of loosing him". Next time, just say Hi back and let her do the rest. K
Final softball game tonight, so the knees will get a rest. However, I must say that since I've been going to the chiropractor again, my knees are 100% better. It is amazing.
I'm still doing contract work on the side, but the expectations and time-tables are a bit unrealistic. So, if this is the last gig I do for them, I'm fine w/it b/c they are a bit of a pain in the butt.
Tomorrow is the 1st day of tryouts and my return to full-time coaching w/our girls basketball program. I'm looking forward to it. It will be good to get back on the court and see if I can motivate, teach and manage a game like I used to.
Ok, so this wasn't our last softball game of the year. We played in the tournament and destroyed a team that had beaten us badly earlier in the season.
In fact, this was the team that split my forehead open, so it was nice to get payback on them...at least on a personal level.
The 2nd game wasn't so good, but the team we played is one of the best in our league and we're an expansion team. We played ok, but lost. So, there is one more week of softball, then I'll rest my knees.
For now, I'm working on some contract work that I'm not real fond of doing. The company is new and they write internet-based curriculum which is ok, but the lead I work with doesn't communicate very well and when she told me in an e-mail "I need to talk w/you about the project" I stopped working on it b/c it sounded like there may be changes.
She ended up being out for two days w/the flu and despite my e-mails and voice mails, I didn't hear from her until Thursday at which point she was mad at me and said "I never told you to stop working on the project." Well, you could have also verbalized that better and/or return my calls and e-mail as well.
So, they mean well, but they don't have their act together, so I'm really not concerned if I never do work for them again. I'd rather be reading some stuff for myself, or working out, or just sleeping at this point.
But, for now, I'll be putting in another hour or two before turning in. We'll see how much I can knock off during that time period.
Here's something I didn't understand: She sent me a text as I was leaving work asking what I was doing tonight. I told her I had options and asked her what was up. She then asked if I was going out and I told her it was either to a movie w/a gal or to the school football game.
She told me to text her when I decided what I wanted to do. I sent a text saying I didn't want to drive all the way back across town for the game, so that is out.
She replied with "if you are set on going to the movie, I'll see what my girlfriend is doing. I'll let you know." I told her I wasn't set on anything, but didn't want to sit still and if she had a better option, I'd hang w/her tonight.
She texts back w/an offer to go hang out w/her and her friend and I say "give me a minute to mull it over." Well, that got me a response of "it doesn't seem as if you are interested, so we'll catch up some other time."
My reply was "I just cancelled my movie date, so I'm in. Do I meet you there or pick you up at your place?"
Dropping someone you've made plans with like a hot potato also sends a message to GF, that you're more than willing to drop things for her.
No more questions. Simple direct statements. Say what's good for you.. "I'll meet you at X" and let her make adjustments. And stay out of the bed during this 'man up' time. Sheesh!
You bring up a very good point that I also went over w/Jody yesterday: I need to tell her "no" as well or she'll continue to think she's in constant control of my life and plans.
That is my next step. Tuesday night was the last time we communicated and she sent me a text saying "I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I miss you."
So, I'm still on her mind and in her thoughts. Now, I have to continue my independence and not be there for her whenever she wants me b/c that shows dependence on my part.
Thus, she'll eventually be forced to make a decision and get off the fence. Even if she decides her decision isn't to be w/me, at least I'll have some "closure" and a finality of sorts so I'll be able to move forward.
You HAVE to let her think that YOU have ALREADY moved on.
THAT is the key. She needs to feel that SHE screwed up and that you are not interested in her anymore. You will be wasting your time with any other plan. You need to get her to the point where she asks YOU what is up with you.
You then say to her... "Well, I have done some thinking and I decided that I want to be with someone that WANTS to be with me and shows me that they want to. You seem a little wishy washy and I realized that maybe we are not right for each other. I think we should JUST be friends. I am not ready for a serious relationship."
And then get off the phone and leave her alone......
She need to realize that she may have gone too far and not treated you right and YOU need to man up and call her on it by showing her you have moved on. You need to quit talking abouit "closure" (that is a feminine term) and start TAKING the closure in your own hands. Men who are successful with women don't keep hanging around like you are.
Let her feel dumped and allow her to chase you. She is never going to be attracted to you unless she sees you are some tough cookie who demands better from his women.
There was once a really fun guy who would hang around me, court me but I saw him as a puppy. That he was happy for whatever attention I bestowed on him.
Imagine my surprise when one day I find him not only having a great time with other women but not paying attention to me! I was shocked but chose to maintain my dignity. The thing is, that guy was hilarious and so much fun. And I had to work to get his attention.
Finally I asked him what made him change toward me. "I figured that even though I liked everything about you, you weren't interested enough in me. So I changed my focus." Needless to say once I won his attention back, I never took him for granted again.
You both are absolutely correct. I know it and now I have to live it. It is difficult for me b/c it isn't what I've been wired to do all of these years.
I'm just now figuring out how to live the right way and how to live as a confident man. It is difficult to break old habits and that is mostly out of fear.
I know and can realize I'm "afraid" of her going away, but in the end, that is what I have to let her do if she wishes. I can't force her to want to be w/me and unless I "move on" things will never be correct.
Under the current situation, she means more to me than I do to her, so it isn't in balance. I continue to need your 2X4s, my friends as I'm making a very difficult personal transition from where I was to where I want to be. It is difficult and I doubt myself at times, which is why I need to hear your words and get your 2X4s.
I'm only contacting her when I have something interesting to do w/her. I asked her this weekend if she and her kids wanted to go to the state fair w/my D. Her littlest was sick, so she stayed home, but D and I went anyway.
She even invited me and my D over to hang out, but her S was sick, so we didn't. She sent a text asking if we had fun at the fair and we bantered a bit and that was all.
I'm not contacting her even though I want to. She has to make the moves to find me. In the meantime, I'll continue to have fun w/causal dates w/other women and I'll make sure she knows about it. If the conversation comes up, I'll do as you and gucci said and let her know that while I really like her, I have to keep living, so I am.
Again, thank you for your words and thoughts. This is difficult for me, but I don't want to be repeating the mistakes of my past. I want to grow and change forever. I want to be able to have a good, healthy relationship w/solid healthy boundaries. I'm making mistakes, but I'm hopefully learning from them and trying not to repeat them.
gucci is correct as I continue to live in the world of "not getting it" but I am trying and if you'll all be patient, I may just make it out of the other end in good shape. I understand what I need to do, but now I need to find the courage and conviction to do it. Your encouragement and the fact you check in on me really helps. It is scary to change, but I want to do it. Like the other night w/gf at the concert, it was a lot easier to spark her interest when I was concerned w/having fun and not kissing her butt. It worked and does work. Getting the courage and faith to just do it is the hard part.
Keep the 2X4s coming when I screw up, OK?
I'm a believer in David Cunningham's works and he says that unless we do talk and see each other, I can't spark her attraction, so I'll continue to keep in contact w/her, but she'll initiate it. As Cunningham says, I'll only contact her when I have something fun I'm doing and I'd like to invite her. No sooner, no later. That is what I'm trying to focus on now.
Wish me luck and keep an eye on this old guy, will ya? He's got a lot of potential and I'm going to do my best to make sure he taps it to the fullest. Your help is always welcomed and appreciated.
My main hang-up is being afraid that if I go, she'll go too. I mean if I stop showing interest in her, she'll stop thinking about me.
It is the old "out of sight, out of mind" thing that is consuming me. However, the good thing I know is that is the old, needy, clingy patterns that I've lived w/my entire life and now am trying to move past for good.
However, it is an ingrained habit that does rear its ugly head from time to time, so I need to fight it off w/practice and application.
In fact, I know she's still thinking of me when I don't pay attention to her b/c she sent a text last Tuesday evening saying how much she missed me. That was b/c we hadn't talked for a few days, so I know I'm on her mind.
Again, it is all about trust and faith from here. I know what to do, but I have to fully believe it to accomplish it.
More practice and application will help to ingrain these habits for good. That is why I need to date even though I'm not interested in other women.
I need the practice and will only get it through hanging out w/other women.
