Spouse Suffering From Depression

[awest1217]

Lucky -

First, I want to say it is good that H is seeing S. My H never, I mean never sees our S unless I am there. He told me on Tuesday that he didn't want S at his place because he is embarrassed. I wanted to say..."you did this to yourself, but you are punishing your son" "you could have taken him somewhere instead of blowing him off" "things are going to be worse if we do get a divorce so you better ship up or that is what is going to happen", but instead I just kept asking questions so he knew I was interested. No contact since. So what I am getting at is be glad that H does take the time to see S even if it is for a few hours.

Second, it is good that you noticed that he did meet a goal. I think sometimes we get so caught up in what is happening day to day that we forget to check the goals. I really want to go back to checking those at least once a week to remind myself of what I am looking for and wanting to have happen.

Third, what was your strategy before? Did you have one picked out or were you just going with the flow? I would say LRT it for right now. If you reread it, LRT is not about not talking to H, but just not giving him all the details, and not answering when you are busy like you may normally do. Also it is definitely not about being mean, cold, critical, or anything else negative when he does contact you (which is where I have a hard time because I hate that he gets to do whatever he wants and when he misses us to call, but I can't be mean). You need to be upbeat, positive, validate, but not take responsibility for anything. I think LRT will be fine because you are making it his responsibility to contact you. You are just doing what he asked and that is not to contact him. When he is ready, he will contact you. Just make sure you have worked through your negative feelings and have rehearsed or thought about what to say to H so that you don't get caught by him complaining.

Have a good day!