Is this the end of my marriage?

[sandi2]

You are exhausted b/c you base everything around her. You have given her the power to call the shots in your life (so to speak). Your emotions are responding to all of that pressure you are under. You need to make a decision about how you plan to DB this M. We can give you our opinions but it still goes back to what you feel is right and will do. I believe that you need to take time to decide how you are going to handle this and then stick to it instead of being wishy-washy b/c that just keeps you torn up and it does nothing as for the DBing. But the way you "thought" you were handling things when she came over to your house the last time.....and what she saw, was two different things, IMHO. I think you were pursuing big time and even though you felt like the visit went well....I think you based that opinion on the fact she seemed to be in a decent mood.

Why are you afraid of the LRT? What is the LRT to you?

The problem was that I put my wedding ring back on and thought I should put the picture up too.

Well it seems there are different opinions here on the board about wearing the rings, but when you take it off...you are making a statement, right? So if you turn around and put it back on....you are saying, "I changed my mind" and to me it is a form of pursuing. Others call it making a stand for your M....but it is just a difference of opinions. However, if you are going to wear your wedding band, for crying out loud--wear it on the correct finger. What would wearing it in the middle finger signify? To me is would be saying, "I really want to wear my wedding band but I'm scared of her reaction...and since we may be headed for a D, I'll just not put it on the ring finger...and maybe that will keep me out of hot water with her". It is really a cowardly way of making a statement, so either go all the way or don't wear it at all.

The problem was that I put my wedding ring back on and thought I should put the picture up too.

Are you saying remove both now?

No, I'm not telling you to do that again. I'm saying that whichever way you decide to go....stick with it b/c it is is about "you" and how it makes you feel....and not to put pressure on her. I personally feel it was a backslide when you put everything back and it sends mixed messages to her....(and to your D)...but that is MHO. You seemed to have felt stronger about your life when you took the pictures out of sight, and it made a statement about "you". You were showing that you were strong and were going to make a life for you and your D and would move ahead in spite of the situtation. Now you have put "her" back into of your home....in a sense. What would you say to somebody who came to your house the first time and asked who the lady in the pictures were? You would say she was your wife. Then they would ask where she was and you would say, "Oh, she lives next door with OM, but I want to keep everything just the way it was when she was here". I just don't see how you can't see that as pursuing her b/c you know she is coming over there to see what you did (putting thhings back the way they were) and you were watching for her reaction. Whatever action you do in DBing, do it based on strength & honor and not based on emotions and weakness.

I think my problem is the contact between me and her. If you look through my other posts before yesterday you will see I had a strength there and I did genuinely have that strength. That came from having no contact for over a week. That was good for me.

I think my problem is the contact between me and her. If you look through my other posts before yesterday you will see I had a strength there and I did genuinely have that strength. That came from having no contact for over a week. That was good for me.

The problem is, when she appears or when she is due to appear the emotions all start to come flooding back again and again and I end up making a t*t of myself. I say something and try to justify it when in the cold light of day it's clear I am in a fog about it all.

So, is there a way you could go without any contact with her and have another person act as a "go-between" when she is suppose to visit your D?

I gave my word I would keep contact going. I also said that contact would not be unsupervised. So I'm stuck between breaking my word and stopping contact or going through this each and every time.

That is why you MUST apply the 48 hour rule (I think it may be 72 hours but don't know many who wait that long) and stop telling her things until you have it completely thought out.....and come here to the board and talk it through.