I think we are back to confusing our own situations with Smiley's and therefore excusing SP's wife inexcusable behavior. A well-respected Political Science professor taught us that equality comes from the division of labor. In this case, the labor was divided and SP was entrusted with camp registration. When she berated him for his actual decision-making in his area of responsibility she essentially said to him, "I am your boss. You do not have the right to make decisions and you do not actually have any area of responsibility."
Now, SP has not told us how he reacted at the time. I find it hard to believe that a warrior like him bowed his head submissively and said, "Yes, Ma'am. Sorry, Ma'am". But if he did, then this was a flawed marriage because the spouses were not partners, they were boss and servant.
This is not a matter of excusing. None of us are enmeshed or involved enough to dole out pardons to anyone's spouse. It is a matter of understanding.
To me, it's not confusing our situations, it is trying to glean something from it for SP more than anyone else. But, I rarely make any headway on that front so I will chime out...
