I think sometimes it is a matter of wanting (as I think Coach referred to) the man to take control AND to do it being mindful of previous agreements, assessments, conversations, etc. I guess if I have made it clear that I hate chinese food and months later H asks me what I want for dinner and I answer "your call" and he brings home chinese...I'm gonna get annoyed. Fair? Not sure. Call him worthless? No. I do however think there is a very prevalent dynamic here.
AND, I will go so far as to say that man or woman, if we're talking about moving forward, focusing on the "Oh my God, I can't believe he/she said/did that a year ago!" then why bother examining, exploring, learning?
As I told my sister who was in a R with a drug addict loser when he would make an astute observation about her short-comings, both can be true. He was a drug addict loser AND he happened to be right about a few things with regard to her dysfunctions. My point was not that she should stay with him, on the contrary, she had to leave him. My point was that she could work on her issues and separate them from him and their dynamic and especially not confuse his rightness about her with him being a safe person for her to be with.
If nothing else, I do think we should come out of these marriages with some understanding, growth and self awareness. And, perhaps humility as well.
