Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Laurie, I'm just having a very emotional week. I had a long talk with my aunt. Two weekends ago I had a great time GALing. Visited a friend in Chicago, went to Cincinnati for a football game, took my D10 to a Miley Cyrus concert.

Then last weekend, because of a scheduling quirk I had the girls four straight nights. That was just so great. Now it's back to the empty apartment, except for tonight, and the weekend is approaching and I don't have anything on my schedule and ... that makes me feel like a failure.

So I'm just emotionally spent. Yesterday, W had a horrible day at work and who does she turn to? Me. I listened, I validated. I was there for her -- because that's who I am. I'm her husband and I'm there for her.

But then I remember that she's no longer there for me and I look at how badly I'm struggling -- the financial part is really adding to the emotional part. It's as if I have nothing to call my own. I'm a part-time father, a 40-year-old (almost) single guy and I'm living as frugally as possible and working two jobs and still spending more than I make each month.

I've been too nice in this. I'm preaching patience to myself every day. But she doesn't respect me. And where do you draw the line? In my mind, it'll be when she files. I have a D7, whatever happens in an agreement is a 10 1/2 thing. I can't live like this for 10 1/2 years.