I think the time might come when you gently remind him he has a shared responsibility to watch the nest at home too.
And you DO have that important night out looming on the horizon ...
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
So... last night H came home around 1:00 am to a dark and locked house. Was snapping at me this morning about paying a bill. I calmly stood my ground and stated since the full burden is on my shoulders he has no right to complain. If he wants to take on some responsibility, then he has a right to speak up. Wished him a good day, hugged the kids and out the door. Half an hour later, H is calling my cell phone to apologize. I let it go to voicemail. H tried calling again. Didn't pick up. H tried emailing me at work. I didn't respond. H tried calling again after lunch. Didn't pick up. Finally cheerfully answered his call at 4:00. H in pouty voice wondering if I don't check my emails or messages anymore? (lol). I'm biting my tongue not to say welcome to my world! Oh, I breezily let him know I was busy today. H then starts to tell me all about his day (hasn't done that in a while) and asked about my day (been even longer...) H trying to keep me on the phone but I gotta run... stuff to do ya know! H then informs he will be working late tonight and next night again (oh, like I am so shocked... par for the course by now). I don't let this effect me at all and cheerfully say goodbye. Tonight... I also took his parking spot in the driveway which is closer to the door than mine, will shut off lights and lock door again. In the meantime, still taking care of sick kids but feeling stronger. Rocked is rockin' HIS world for once! Bring it!:-)
About the working late tonight and next... not letting it get to me. That's what's been happening anyway... what's the diff at this point? *shrug*
I appreciate the encouragment... helps me keep it up!
Deep - you are right. A girlfriend I haven't seen in ages called me yesterday and wants to do a girls' night soon with a few other friends. We haven't done that in way too long. H knows those are pretty "tame" friends so I'll be mysterious about who I am with and what I am doing when it happens. Yup he can "watch the nest".
Way to go girl! You are so learning the dance routine quickly!
The PMA is certainly kicking in, love the fact you moved your car into his space lol! Bit like a cat marking their territory. Keep working on that PMA, the thing that did it for me and Im sure you said youve lost loads of weight too, was going out and getting my lingerie refitted, when the lady asked me how it looked, I had gone down two back sizes and up a cup, I laughed and said it was fab it really was a pick them up and point them in the right direction job, and from then on in I picked them up, pointed them in the right direction and followed them with a spring in my step! If you havent had this done lately put it on your to do list, it did me the power of good. It was great to read your post and Im sat here smiling for you!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hehe...Rabbit... you are right! That is definitely something that needs to happen after a lot of weight loss. I should do that!
Hmmmm.... H came home at 11:30 last night. Uncharacteristically early for him. But still to me parked in his spot, lights out and doors locked. I was awake but pretended to be asleep. This a.m. as I've gotten up (no one else in the house up yet) I noticed he has left the door to his room open a bit. Until now it has not only been shut but locked. I will pretend I didn't notice and maintain the strategy!
Still maintaining the PMA, despite the fact that taking care of sick kids seems to be bringing my own symptoms back. I can manage that. I am still a FABULOUS, ATTRACTIVE woman! :-)
So... last night H came home around 1:00 am to a dark and locked house. Was snapping at me this morning about paying a bill. I calmly stood my ground and stated since the full burden is on my shoulders he has no right to complain. If he wants to take on some responsibility, then he has a right to speak up. Wished him a good day, hugged the kids and out the door. Half an hour later, H is calling my cell phone to apologize. I let it go to voicemail. H tried calling again. Didn't pick up. H tried emailing me at work. I didn't respond. H tried calling again after lunch. Didn't pick up. Finally cheerfully answered his call at 4:00. H in pouty voice wondering if I don't check my emails or messages anymore? (lol). I'm biting my tongue not to say welcome to my world! Oh, I breezily let him know I was busy today. H then starts to tell me all about his day (hasn't done that in a while) and asked about my day (been even longer...) H trying to keep me on the phone but I gotta run... stuff to do ya know! H then informs he will be working late tonight and next night again (oh, like I am so shocked... par for the course by now). I don't let this effect me at all and cheerfully say goodbye. Tonight... I also took his parking spot in the driveway which is closer to the door than mine, will shut off lights and lock door again. In the meantime, still taking care of sick kids but feeling stronger. Rocked is rockin' HIS world for once! Bring it!:-)
Still maintaining the PMA, despite the fact that taking care of sick kids seems to be bringing my own symptoms back. I can manage that. I am still a FABULOUS, ATTRACTIVE woman! :-)
Wow, what an amazing transformation in you lately, Rocked!
I really wish you, FlowerGirlie, Hoosiermama, PearlHarbor and some others would visit some other women's threads, and give them some encouragement and maybe a swift kick in the "pity" ass every now and again! Seriously, I think you have a lot to offer. You DON'T have to be an experienced DB'er to be able to help others (ref: Trent C recently).
Still maintaining the PMA, despite the fact that taking care of sick kids seems to be bringing my own symptoms back. I can manage that. I am still a FABULOUS, ATTRACTIVE woman! :-)
Wow, what an amazing transformation in you lately, Rocked!
I really wish you, FlowerGirlie, Hoosiermama, PearlHarbor and some others would visit some other women's threads, and give them some encouragement and maybe a swift kick in the "pity" ass every now and again! Seriously, I think you have a lot to offer. You DON'T have to be an experienced DB'er to be able to help others (ref: Trent C recently).
Puppy
Thanks Puppy! I don't really know what has helped this transformation take place... I just reached some kind of limit I guess. I started to really think about what I deserve and who I am and this is UNACCEPTABLE!
Maybe I will try to help out a bit elsewhere... I am very aware that my own transformation is new and fragile. I am fully expecting H to up the ante and try to push new buttons to get me back to where he was in control. Not gonna let it happen!
This morning H was "needy" - no other way to put it. His body language and the way he was acting is a pattern I now recognize has probably always existed in our marriage, which typically pushed my "I need to be needed" button. In the past I would have been extra loving and accomodating when he acts like that. This morning, I was friendly, cheerful but in a hurry to get out the door. I did do a little "teaser" though, which I think was very effective. In our life B.B. (before bomb) I used to wake him up with light "tickles" up and down his back and arms. It was a littel loving ritual we had that we both enjoyed. This a.m. I just let my hand lightly brush his bare arm in a similar way but it only lasted a brief second or two and then I had to go! H said, "do you have to go so soon?" lol And off I went with a cheery "Have a good day!"
Wow, it is amazing how empowered I feel by taking some of the control.
I just have to be on my toes to not get sucked in, cuz I know he'll try....
I just have to be on my toes to not get sucked in, cuz I know he'll try....
Oh, you can COUNT on it.
Try to think now, ahead of time, how you want to respond, so that you'll do so effectively. Us Hs, are, after all, pretty damned simple, predictable creatures, if you just stopped and thought about it.
I've been reading along, but have not posted to this point.
I would recommmend to you the book "why men love bitches".
some of it goes against DB principals, but most of it is very similar to No More Mr. Nice Guy or Taking Back your nuts... but for women.
You're doing awesome & a woman who is Being In Total Control of Herself (see the first initial of each word their).. is what the book is all about and the resulting power is heady stuff.
You can handle it. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
In our life B.B. (before bomb) I used to wake him up with light "tickles" up and down his back and arms. It was a littel loving ritual we had that we both enjoyed. This a.m. I just let my hand lightly brush his bare arm in a similar way but it only lasted a brief second or two and then I had to go! H said, "do you have to go so soon?" lol 