Holding on, I was stuck myself often:)

I started by not even in my mind accept that my marriage was over.

I did change my attitude a lot - in relation to the time I found about the affair. ANd changed what I was doing at home as well.
First rule I made to myself was not too push anything. I found out early into the situation that it didn't take me anywhere and actually ended up leading him to find comfort and peace with the ow.
I did make an effort to appear calm and relaxed but firm in my belief that the marriage was not over.
I made sure I was taking care of only one thing at a time, and bit my tongue before even hinting at my opinion about the affair or the ow.
I got a new haircut - something I actually wanted to do for sometime - , talked calmly and started having an urge to go to the WC everytime I could see there was an argument coming. BEtter know as the "remove yourself from the potential problem" .
I let him feel that he was important to me - while making sure I was not clingy.
I made sure I created a relaxed time when we were together and timed as best as I could our conversations about our relationship. Eventually he remembered he actually enjoyed talking to me. And we had great talks which helped us to reconnect. Talks that had nothing to do with the affair.
Did I manipulate? well a bit..I guess. I did know him much better than anyone, ow included. But hey, I needed some aces up my sleeve.
I actually let the ow dig her own grave, even helped her a bit - for example he hates it when people keep calling him for every simply thing. Well when she contacted me, I let the fact that he wanted to always be in control and needed to know everything we were doing and liked to be asked about every single thing. She felt so smart for dragging that bit of information from me, that I didn't "have the heart" to tell her that if she did it, she would be irritating him to no end. I actually felt I cold help her even more, so on top of all the pagings she was sending him, I send a few myself - leaving her phone number of course :):) It was actually funny hearing some of the back and forth voice messages:beeep "WHy do you keep pagging me?" " I just wanted to know if you wanted white or red wine for dinner..." "what the *&^%& do I care, anything"beep"why did you page me again?" "I didn't" " your number showed here."beep "more pagings???? what do you want????""I didn't page you.. I swear" " Yeah right.. next thing you tell me that the pager is beeping by it's own accord" beep.... "stop paging me" "I didn't. I didn't!!!! " LOL He was so feed up he gave me the pager!
ANyway, maybe I"m not exactly answering you question. If there's something specific that you want to know that I found out worked for me, just ask me.
Hugs
nightshade


"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "