Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

Well. I have to say that was kind of hard to read. Because honestly, it is 100% true. Robx, as blunt as you are, you are right. I really appreciate your advice because it made me look at this whole situation in a different light. I am being needy. I may not show this to him, but I'm definitely showing it on here, as well as feeling it inside. Of course I'm loving where we are at. We definitely have come a far ways in 5 weeks. I never would have believed that I am where I am at 4 weeks ago. I was in dire straits, talking to H only through text. Only doing drop off and pick ups. Seeing him every 4 or 5 days solely because of the children. I do realize I have made huge strides. I don't know why I am so impatient. I guess cause I'm still so confused. One day he is talking about my changes and our future together and telling his brother in law he wants to give it another shot and the next telling me we don't end up like his buddy that is going through a nasty divorce. So I think that's where my impatience is stemmed from. I would just like some consistency. You're in, you're trying or you're out. I definitely don't want to go back to how things were before that's for sure. You've opened my eyes Robx. He is obviously getting more comfortable coming around cause it is happening where as 5 weeks ago it was not. I'm happy about that. I just get somewhat concerned that it isn't him actually coming around, its just a preview of the rest of our lives. Us continuing to live like this and being great friends, and civil in our sitch. That's what worries me. Maybe I AM being needy and pushy. I try not to let it out infront of him but maybe I am and I just don't know it. That could be cause of why we are still where we are at.

Has anybody ever had an experience where the WAS did want to reconcile but was too afraid to admit it? I sometimes feel like he tries to provoke me to stay things. He says certain things certain ways that makes me feel like he is fishing for an answer that he is too scared to say. Or am I just over analyzing again?

Browndimom,

I'm sorry about your sitch. I know someone in your shoes probably looks at me and laughs. I have only been in this for 5 weeks and I'm freaking out. You have been dealing with this for much longer. Good for you for sticking with it. I only hope I have that much patience one day. "Release my expectations" That is one thing I really need to work on. I have huge expectations alllll the time! To be honest I have expectations lurking in the back of my mind for sat. night. Ugh. I need to release them before they ruin my night. You're right I have made huge progress I just need to sit back, be patient, and give it time to keep moving in the direction I want it to. Breathe. I need to tell myself that sometimes.

As for saturday night, I'm off here in a few minutes to go shopping for the most smoking hot outfit I can find. I washed my extensions today (that sounds funny) so they will be ready for the night. H loves when I wear my extensions cause he loves me in long hair (my hair is just past shoulder length now). I've bought new boots the other day, so I consider myself ready to blow him away. Can't wait!

Thanks again everybody. Sometimes I just need some real, honest truth. It put me in a new place.