My friend here, a guy friend - not romantic just a great friend, told me last week, "I think if you begin to go through with the D in December....D will be begging to come back. D will be on your doorstep everyday and basically behaving like you did when he left at the very beginning." He knows my H and I very well.
My problem is this....I don't want that to bring H back. I want H to voluntarily want back in my life. It will be false to have him return only if I put a gun to his head.
IMO, if he comes back to you but it takes you moving on to wake him up to how important you are to him - that IS voluntary. You are not holding a gun to his head. You aren't threatening to do something to him. You are doing something for you.
Having conditions and requirements about how you will be treated is not forcing him to do anything. He is free to meet your requirements or not. Setting a boundary and taking care of ourselves is not holding a gun to someone's head.
It is a risk, but your friend's opinion, along with the postponements suggest that your H may well fall your way if required, not forced, but required, to choose.
