Do we sometimes give mixed messages on this board? Yesterday, W had a terrible day at work and she called me. I did what Dottie (DB counselor) would want me to do, listen, validate her feelings, not fix things.
I felt very good afterward.
But I've also seen the message that I should be more unavailable to her. Only talk to W about kid stuff because she has to realize what D is like and that's no more support from me other than the kids.
So what to do?
Another up and down day emotionally.
If your wife is having a affair then I would be more unavailable.
If you two lost your connection and she hit the ILYBINILWY wall then you need to restablish the connection. As a rule, listening, validating and not rescuing make sense in most sitches - if you are here you probably weren't doing it before.
My wife got in a small fender bender with my daughter and she came to see me while we were seperated. I appreciated and was grateful that I was the go to guy. She wanted support and I gave it to her. First stage in DBing is reducing negative feelings.
What are your wifes issues with your marriage? If they are valid in your eyes then 180 the problems.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
