One of the main concepts that Chapman tries to put forth in the LLs book is that we often make our biggest mistake by only (or at least mainly) giving our spouse love in OUR primary love language, regardless of what THEIRS is. So, if you're a "Physical Touch" guy, but your wife is "Quality Time," you maybe can't understand why she's not feelin' the loooove from you when you give her lots of hugs and kisses.
So as a "P.S." to the above, if my wife were about even in three or four of the LLs, and I didn't know which one to focus on, I'd try to pick one that aligns with a recent (or ongoing) marital complaint of hers, and I might also pick one that I DON'T NORMALLY DO VERY WELL -- that is, one that's not MY love language.
If she knows that compliments and words of affirmation don't come easily to you, and they're in fact not even IMPORTANT to you (to receive them), but they were one of her LLs? and you started doing more of them?
I'm guessing that would really make her feel loved.
As I said, my wife is about evenly split across WOA, QT, AOS and Gift Giving. Not so much physical touch (altho it's important for her to feel that we're "okay" in that regard). One of her complaints, like a lot of women's, is that I don't REALLY LISTEN to her, and that specifically I spend too much time on my computer. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch, on my laptop, a glass of shiraz at hand after a long day at work and a tough baseball practice, and I just wanted to RELAX. I'm in sales, and I have to deal with customers and co-workers all day, and then I'd just coached a bunch of 13 year old, hormone-enraged A.D.D. boys, lol.
Well, after about 30 seconds of her talking to me about her job, I could tell that the fetching Mrs. Puppy was wanting to really talk to me about this, so I SHUT MY FREAKING LAPTOP, and LAID IT ON THE FLOOR, and I turned about 45 degrees toward her, looked her in the eyes, and we continued our conversation.
Now, I probably didn't say anything any differently than I do when I have my laptop open, being the effective multi-tasker that I am. But it must have meant a lot to her, because not only did we feel VERY connected that night (and yeah, I got lucky ), but she brought this up TWO WEEKS LATER, in our MC session, as something that I did that really made her feel like she "mattered" (her word). In fact, she practically teared up when she told this to the MC.
But it must have meant a lot to her, because not only did we feel VERY connected that night (and yeah, I got lucky 
), but she brought this up TWO WEEKS LATER, in our MC session, as something that I did that really made her feel like she "mattered" (her word). In fact, she practically teared up when she told this to the MC.
