"Home Improvements"

[Zoo]

HI Shiny

It takes me awhile to make my way around the threads but I get to everyone sooner or later. I chock it up to my slow thought process when I am replying to a post...I try to think things through WHILE I'm posting so it usually takes me about an hour or so for each reply lol.

A little bit on the sex issue. This might be a little too blatant for some...I hope I don't offend anyone.

For 4 yrs H led me to believe he was LD and I was HD...of course this wasn't exactly the truth on his part but he said he didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me that he just wasn't interested in me anymore. His lack of interest was a result of my lack of interest in myself...I stopped wearing nice clothes, doing my hair or getting it done at the salon, stopped wearing make-up and yes, I gained a whole lot of weight. H said that my weight was never an issue for him but the other things were. On top of letting myself go physically I let myself go emotionally too and H said that was a DEFINITE turn off.

H has an A...turns out that OW was the object of his projection of the way he wanted me to be or rather the way I was when we first got together. The solution was actually fairly simple...Zoo had to go back to being herself again (I think I have discussed most of this in my own threads someplace ).

WHen H leaves for work I generally look like hell but when he comes home for supper I have make-up on, I'm dressed decently (no baggy sweats and big t-shirts anymore)and my hair is done. H is also one of those men who likes a woman who is aggressive sexually which I was when we first met Now, if I feel like then I go for it...if H isn't in the mood I just smile and say np and, well, um, let's just say I'll usually start to take "care" of myself. H usually experiences a mood change then but not always This is not an indication of rejection (my old response would be to think this immediately and turn over and start crying) but more then likely the poor old dear is just "too tired to pop" so to speak .

I have gotten rid of the inhibitions that had built up over the past few years too. When H first met me I had no shame nor any inhibitions to speak of...he missed that aspect of me. One other thing I have learned is not to do the same thing over and over again to try to get H interested. Example: I bought some sexy under garments and the first time H saw me in them became his immediate priority I thought to myself OK, so I bought some more and started wearing them all of the time...next couple of instances sparked H's interest and then after that fttttttt, no response at all. I got kinda pissy about it since I had spent all of that money (notice, my concern was the money and not rejection ) and H finally explained to me that it wasn't that he didn't appreciate my efforts it was just that he preferred me to keep it "mixed" up, otherwise it got kind of stale and boring.

Sorry, that is probably more info then some folks needed but thought that maybe it would help someone a little bit. Sex was one of our MAJOR problems, one we thought we might not overcome but with work on both of our parts we did. Now H pretty much can't keep his hands off me which I find extremely empowering in a strange sort of way...

I've had a similar experience with the wrong things in the wrong bottle. H switched my window cleaner out with bore cleaner for his guns. Bore cleaner does not like to come off of windows plus the overspray caused the paint on my walls to blister I yelled at him and told him to find something else to put the stuff in. He found something else all right...the bottle I keep my miracle-gro in to foliar feed my houseplants!! Why does everything have to be BLUE?!?!

When CJ came back from the meeting (and picking up a few groceries) I asked him how it went. He told me he was still feeling off from yesterday (averted migraine) and went off to do some school work.

NOT a problem. Probably WOULD have been a problem before...I'd have wanted him to tell me all about it, would have been peeved that he didn't share, he probably wouldn't have felt comfortable expressing that he just didn't feel like it.

Instead he worked, I worked, I made dinner and half way through he brought it up and talked about it.

It is great to hear that you waited for him to bring his meeting back up. I'm still trying to get a handle on this area myself. I'm much better at waiting then I use to be but I still slip up once in awhile...I'm determined to get it totally nipped in the bud though

Zoo