For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

When H and I were dating, we did a lot of partying and drinking. I wouldn't say that we were out of control. We were young (early 20s) and just did a lot of hanging out at football tailgates and bars. We were still responsible enough to have jobs and support oursevles - we just liked to go out.

I wouldn't say I married my dad. Yes, they do have the drinking thing in common, but not much of anything else. My H is an extremely hard worker, NEVER misses work (the entire time we've been together he has missed one half day of work due to being sick), he's a great provider for our family (and still is bc I only work part-time), he's NEVER been physcially abuse, controlling or anything like that - but like I posted above, he used to say really mean and hurtful things to me after he had been drinking a lot. He's smart, a great leader and problem solver (at work), he's flexible and just goes with the flow (or at least he used to).

I know those wonderful qualities still exist - somewhere inside of him.

If I felt like my DD and I were in danger, yes we have places to go! My parent's, his parent's, my sister's, my grandpa's. It's been more than a few years since my H got really drunk and said hurtful things to me - probably 6 years ago. If he was still drinking so heavily, it would be an unsafe enviorment and I would leave.

My issue is that he's drinking on a daily basis (or at least I think he is, bc he drinks when he's here). He's been drinking since he was 21 so 3-5 beers a night does not make him drunk, but I still see it as a dependence and I don't like it. Like I said, I have a drink every now and then, but I absolutely do not have one everyday. It just bothers me.

No, I have not said anything about his drinking recently, because it was such an issue in the past - we never really fought very much, but that is one thing that we did fight about SEVERAL times. When I try to talk to him about it, he sees it as me bitching at him - as he would say it's just me "having too many rules." I tried to stop bringing it up, bc it leads to an argument every time. I'm trying to show him that I no longer am going to bitch, nag and moan about everything he does. However, this is such an important issue to me and it is not the behavior that I want modeled for our DD, I can't just let it go. Do I just ask him to not drink when he's here? I know it will make him feel like I'm too anal, having too many rules and I'm too controlling, but it bothers me.

Am I turning this into a bigger deal than it really is? IDK...Is a few beers a night okay, not okay?

He's not the only one with confusion - his behavior baffles me and sometimes i just don't know what to do or what to say or how to react.