start routines that create positive memories feelings but -specifics based on our schedules like : going out Friday nights, -going alone just the 2 of us for coffee Sat mornings
Every night in bed we kiss 3-5 times and say goodnight. Even if we had sex before hand.
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-one hour per week to discuss the past (more would be too much for me)
Too much for you and likely too much for him. every 2 weeks or once a month but do not limit the time, it lasts until it lasts, as long as both of you understand that when you talk niether of you is trying to hurt the other one. This talking about the past...it is very hard, for you and him. You need to walk very carefully and remind each other that you are not trying to hurt the other one.
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I think sex will be a sticky point between us. I have this idea he thinks I cant become a lover to him, just his...wife. And I got to tell you, I feel more sexually mature right now than ever and that possibility of a dead sex life is a no no for me.
He doesnt even give me "looks". Makes me feel like his ...granny.
Show don't tell. He might be oblivious at first, but once you catch his attention, you'll have it. As a man, let me assure you that you have the power and ability to do this Kalni.
Example: My wife has several pairs of low riding pants, when she crouches down...
AND
she does thaat on purpose most of the time. Especially when she looks back and smiles.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I think sex will be a sticky point between us. I have this idea he thinks I cant become a lover to him, just his...wife. And I got to tell you, I feel more sexually mature right now than ever and that possibility of a dead sex life is a no no for me.
He doesnt even give me "looks". Makes me feel like his ...granny.
K.....he's scared. Plain and simple. He is afraid of trying again and being hurt but I would bet he's more scared that he's not going to be enough for you and hurt you again.
You say you aren't sure if he would agree to your list. Um....any of those deal breakers? If so, give him those and leave the rest off.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey K.. bf still doesnt 'make eyes' at me either! I found this very difficult.. so i asked him! Seems he was looking, often (he gave me examples, like when I bent down here, or took that bra off there etc).. which proved he had been, but I swear it wasnt obvious. I am sure H is noticing, theres ALOT of guilt still. And humiliation, remember how he winced when he knew you had read all of those intimate and graphic emails she sent him.. neverlone the photos!
I really like your list, its great.. I dont see how he could disagree with it? xxx
And you are too pretty for him not to notice, but he is probably feeling too guilty about the A to risk your rejection by initiating anything. He is feeling scared and vulnerable and overwhelmed.
Of course, you are too. Quite a combination.
But, your list is a great next step!
(((Maria)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Ohhh the costumes Kerry!!! Yes, I need to find a way to have a few things shipped over for me... I pay 3 times the cost on duties if the stores ship them directly. Any volunteers ? (except John and Ali, both non US residents)
Sex is a sticky point. He spent years of telling me he wasnt a one track minded man and right after the bomb he told my BF a secret about our sex life (my issue) and told her that is a big thing for him. Luckily, I have made progress in that area but unless we try, he wont know that...
And..., he had been having crazy sex with her and she sure sounded like a very "free" girl if you get my point. He even mentioned that to the first sessions we had with MC last year that "he worries sex wont be good between us".
I do wear nice lingerie, use perfumed body lotions, dont wear tshirts at bed, make sure my clothes are inviting but I am not the kind of girl that will wear tight stuff and trashy things. I do have low riding pants but somehow, I think it will take more than that to get him going. I was thinking of wearing a long blonde wigg once, resempling her hair and tell him "maybe that will do it for you"- LOL!!!
Anyway, Al, I think he will obejct to passwords. I can hear him saying it's a privacy issue. I could get those, once again, but it wont be the same.
Sex is not just a need thing for me. I want to know if it works between us. I may sound a one track minded woman but one of the things I have realised about myself is that it makes me feel loved and wanted and secure (LL=physical touch). And that the lack of it, cant be compensated for me in any other way. K
The pressure may not have lifted, but it has shifted. You are in the process of solidifying important connections but will mean learning the new rules of the game. Your world view is evolving now, but you may fear you are in way over your head. Keep a sense of discernment between your real concerns and paranoid projections of what can go wrong. You can let others have the stage to speak for now. You are discovering intriguing possibilities, drawing you deeper into a journey of exploring the unknown. Don’t worry about setting your sights too high. If there is anything to watch for it is your own sense of mistrust in your intuition. The woods are lovely, dark and deep but you have promises to keep, and miles to go before you sleep. Be bold as you pave the way to the future.
