Last night I was reading and posting on SOMEONE'S thread about the changes and goals we're doing and whether they reflect surface physical/behavioural changes or somed deeper more lasting internal changes.
In reading more of "Destructive Emotions" today, some Buddhist philosophy struck me.
They were talking about how in Western Psychotherapy most of the changes are behavioural...that is people may still FEEL angry, anxious or whatever (even though it may be toned down some) but they learn to ACT on it differently...and often with very good results!
But in the Buddhist way, it is much better to back further in the process of emotion...to not only catch the trigger, but the JUDGEMENTS we make that lead us to destructive feelings.
For example going to the spark of it all...what we SAY to ourselves about a situation..."He's ignoring me..." and LET GO of that judgement BEFORE it even has a chance to arouse negative emotions.
I also think that in some ways we need to "behave our way" to success...so maybe it starts with just moderating how we act out our emotions (Duct Tape anyone??? )
But ultimately it must move to a deeper awareness of how we are responsible for our own emotions and can, with mindfulness and practise, learn NOT to feed the ones that do harm.
I posted to Pam a bit ago how my flattening iron had turned my hair into straw.
Weeelll...tonight as I was "conditioning" my hair in the tub I noticed how, um, lathery my conditioner was...I'd noticed this for about a week but chocked it up to not rinsing thoroughly enough.
Turns out the last time I refilled the bottles (we buy gallons from SIL) I filled BOTH with shampoo!!! My poor locks have now been conditioned for the first time in over a week and they are MUCH smoother!!
How's that for the "lack of awareness" prize of the week?
GOTTA share that one with my hairdresser!!!!!!!!!!
BTW: She is on Paxel, and I gave her heck for not telling me I SHOULD NOT have stopped AD's cold turkey. We discussed it and we think doctors have an obligation to TELL a patient that and not just count on them doing the research on the drug they are on.
I like your thoughts on stopping the thoughts before they set the emotions off. Soooooooooo how to do that? Self talk and catching it as soon as it happens?
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I also think that in some ways we need to "behave our way" to success...so maybe it starts with just moderating how we act out our emotions (Duct Tape anyone??? )
But ultimately it must move to a deeper awareness of how we are responsible for our own emotions and can, with mindfulness and practise, learn NOT to feed the ones that do harm.
Interesting, no?
Shiny
Shiny -
It really has been both paths for me as you might expect...at times...just "behaving" in the right way even with the undercurrent and at other times...working on identifying and stopping the negatives.
I need to also add a third category...when I behave in a way that I'm not proud of ... at least now I find that I'm aware of it and make atonement where I can. When I can't atone, I try to at least use it as a means to a deeper practice.
Now this may not make sense to ANYONE but me but I did have an enlightening moment this AM in traffic...
I find that I'm much more able lately to be courteous to others in traffic when I WANT to be...I'm the one who'll wave you in, stop so you can turn, slow down or speed up to make it easier for you. I still REALLY struggle, though, when I WANT someone to be courteous to me and they aren't. when the refuse to let me merge or could make it easier for me (with no impact on them) and they don't.
This morning I was merging into a very heavy traffic pattern and the guy ON the highway wouldn't let me in. I felt really angry, wanted to give him the finger, etc. I caught myself and looked at my anger and had an insight "hey, this isn't about me". Not in the "screw him, he must be a jerk, etc" way but in the "not everything is about me" way....I think this will be GREAT practice for me to apply to home, m, R, etc.
I have the audiotape of Destructive Emotions in my car! Right now I'm listening to "how to practice".
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Shiny~thanks for stopping in and telling us the story. It was cute, but I get the message; "act as if" you are going out without your spouse! And I did that only it wasn't an act, went golfing with D and friends. H knows it so we will see if he goes with us Sat.
Poping in to say hello and see how you are going, its great to see that things are moving well for you and that those renovations are continuing.
Hey in regard to the intamacy thing, from a male perspective, I know when I was in the middle of house renovations (I have done a couple) the drive after a day of plastering, tiling and painting certainly wasnt there. I found the wrk wouold really tire me out through the weekend and then through the week.
Anyway just my thoughts.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
It was sooo nice to feel my normal texture today!!
Hi All!
Yes, Sage, as you probably know from the audiotape, atoning once one HAS let a destructive emotion run amok is probably the FIRST step in the process...heck that's more than I EVER did before! ...It's sometimes still a valuable tool.
Just yesterday we were shopping and I was feeling headachy and spacey, irritable...CJ had the cart and followed me up an aisle to get some clear nail polish...I headed around the corner and away...CJ nowhere to be found...backtracked...no sign of him, then there he was.
I said "Are you TRYING to be annoying?"
Which he pointed out was rather unfair and confrontational. It took a bit, but I agreed and told him how lousy I was feeling and took it out on him.
As good as catching that "judgement" before it set in? NO...as good as catching myself before making that statement? NO...better than arguing my point and NOT seeing his side...YOU BET!!!
Today went fine, CJ had his first group depression meeting...some severely depressed women in the group..only one other guy.
Just one thing of note...
When CJ came back from the meeting (and picking up a few groceries) I asked him how it went. He told me he was still feeling off from yesterday (averted migraine) and went off to do some school work.
NOT a problem. Probably WOULD have been a problem before...I'd have wanted him to tell me all about it, would have been peeved that he didn't share, he probably wouldn't have felt comfortable expressing that he just didn't feel like it.
Instead he worked, I worked, I made dinner and half way through he brought it up and talked about it.
)
...It's sometimes still a valuable tool.
