Oh Cinco...I'm sorry to hear you are having a minor setback...please just assume that it is a MINOR setback and get your faith in gear! Keep picturing the life and marriage you wish you had...keep having faith that you can get there from here. Don't get discouraged right now. This is just a lull in the process, which is to be expected.
I hope that even though you are discouraged right now, you are not reaching for any type of "substance" that would be part of the old problems....stay strong and healthy!!!
Hey DQ, I am staying strong and healthy, at least in regards to reaching out for something that I shouldn't. It's just feel like I'm spinning my wheels right now. No progress whatever.
I've been reading The Way of the Superior Man and it's making me realize that I am still the only one interested in spiritual enlightenment through intimacy. I want to grow in this way and she is holding me back (or is it me holding myself back?). I hope I am wrong but that is the way that I feel now.
I want more from my R and it's just not happening. I can't back down to the point where I feel starved. It's just frustrating at this point. Gosh I hope you are right that it is just a setback.
Cinco - it brings me to tears to read your words, as I remember the beginning of OUR post exchanges so well...and you are truly recovering now...WOW!
DQ, you played a HUGE part in opening my eyes to the way I was living and how if I would be honest, honest with myself, I could lead a life that would be so much more fulfilling.
I had closed myself off from the world and from Mrs. Cinco. Opening myself again was the key.
We still have our moments, even a week ago we had a huge outburst. We were expressing our feelings though. We had gotten home from a MC session and had made a big breakthrough about resentments we have held onto from when our D was born. It just carried on a home and yet we were not attacking each other, just expressing our pain, dredging up the old hurts.
The next day it dawned on me how passionate the exchange was. Passion isn't the even keel our marriage had been sailing on for so many years. Passion is the release of those emotions. Our being able to talk through things in a healthy way allows us to see into and feel each other in ways that we couldn't before.
Later in the week we had wonderful make-up ML. Then on another night she was showing me how she wanted to be kissed... uh, talk about passion. The best part was that she couldn't keep from smiling and laughing. She was even a little embarrassed at what she wanted in a kiss. Hot stuff too, it's all part of her opening herself to me. I feel so blessed to have her.
OH Cinco...this brings me even more tears. Letting out all that past anger and helplessness and pain is really helping you both, it seems. I can't express how happy I am to finally know for sure that you are really recovering.
Thank you for hanging in there with us and keeping your thread updated. It is really important...in the long run, you may end up helping lots of other people yourself.
For me, just knowing I helped you even a little bit makes my entire journey for healing worthwhile. I can't change my past but I will continue to try to help other people's future....its all I can do but it means so much. I can hardly believe the changes in your situation sometimes, but then again, I should know better than to second guess things. Miracles can and DO happen all the time.
P.S....still on unemployment, but still thankfully haven't gone broke thanks to husband's stable income. He is being very patient with me too, since having all this time off means being able to take extra good care of him and the house. :0)
Man, Cinco, you're like a different person. And you're right, it seems so obvious, but when you start really talking honestly together you realize how much you were keeping secret without even thinking about it for years.
I just landed a job, a real job, doing something exciting again. A job with a future and with room to grow. No it's not audio related but right now getting my D through college with a stable income is my priority. I can't tell you how good I feel right now about landing this.
Also registered to start some audio engineering courses. After my D is on her feet and we are in empty nest mode, I will be able to risk the transition to something I love.
This has been a bright day for me. We even had a good MC session.
