Hope and heartache

[C-Bart]

Come one really? Is that how this is supposed to work? W gets to treat you like sh!t day in and day out then come running to you when she has a problem. Sorry maybe I'm in a bad mood and maybe I'm projecting but that is BS. The message your sending is do whatever you want I'll be here for you. Is that your goal?

[ClingingToHope]

CBart, my goal is to feel closer to my wife and for her to feel closer to me.

I have listened to the group. I did not get flowers and tonight is my night with the girls. I will pick them from the after school sitter and will not call.

She is the late night supervisor and I will let her call me.

I am very tired. I picked up and read "I Do Again" by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs. Has anyone out there read this?

It's written from both points of view. Cheryl talks about the loneliness she feels in a supposedly perfect marriage to a man devoted to her outwardly but not emotionally.

So she convinces herself they are wrong for each other, never loved each other and she pushes through a divorce.

He writes about being completely blindsided and how lost he was when she refused to work on the M at all.

So the first part of the book fits my situation perfectly.

I read it through to the end, which talks about the seven years they were divorced before they remarried. The first two Cheryl continued to live in the fog. Not really happy but emotionally attached to an EA that became a PA and was on its way to marriage when she realized she couldn't see herself raising her twin daughters with someone other than her ex.

She started going back to church and eventually realized she wanted her ex back.

He was having none of it for a long time, but eventually it worked out.

It gives me hope again -- and another weird discovery this morning actually calmed my insecurities a bit -- but I know hope can be a dangerous thing.

[C-Bart]

Cth,
Sorry, I warned you I was in a bad mood. Maybe I'm being impatient but my relationship with my W is at the point were we are friends but still stuck. She calls me 3-5 times a day and I'm frustrated. I feel like she doesn't want to move things any closer than were they are and I don't want to be here. She is happy in limboland.

I don't even like her as a person at this point, how and the h#ll can I ever love her as a friend or spouse.

Sorry to vent on your thread. Just having a bad day and I don't want to resurrect my old thread.

As for the flowers you made the correct decision IMHO.

[ClingingToHope]

There was a part early in "I Do Again" that explains my feelings. The day the lady received the divorce -- the husband didn't go to court -- she went to the bank to get his check. Drove to his office to give it to him.

For some reason, she said to him "Can you believe this happened?"

He looked at her and said "not until this moment, no."

I know, focus on today. I'm sitting here listening to the Chrysler five-year business plan by Fiat and they are talking numbers, numbers, numbers, plans, plans, plans.

I just keep drifting off.

[mishka422]

I'm sitting here listening to the Chrysler five-year business plan by Fiat and they are talking numbers, numbers, numbers, plans, plans, plans.

Ick. Why oh why????? For work? YUCK! I think I'd rather be waterboarded!

[TrentC]

Ick. Why oh why????? For work? YUCK! I think I'd rather be waterboarded!

No kidding.

I hate those quarterly business meetings at my job and try to find a reason to not go (or leave early).

[ClingingToHope]

Mishka, I have a question I want to ask a woman about my sitch -- but it's too personal to put out on the forum -- since there's no PM, any ideas?

[mishka422]

If you use my screen name here and make it at comcast with a net you can get mail to me.

That's as much subterfuge as I can come up with!

[ClingingToHope]

CBart has there been any movement on a D? The calling three to five times a day thing would be hard for me too. That's cake eating. Do you ever call her or is she always calling you?

[awest1217]

C-bart,

Have you tried to talk to W through other means. The whole point is to get to a point that you are also comfortable with and if you are unhappy you can change that. Maybe you could write her a letter, but make sure you stick to how you are feeling and about you without attacking her. Remember if things are still not working trying to do something that seems wrong could me what you need. Reread DR or DB to get more ideas of what to do next or what new strategy to use in order to get closer. Are you seeing a counselor or is W? Maybe that is somewhere to start.

Clinging -
Sorry your day is boring, but maybe instead of thinking about your sitch, every time you do think about something fun to do with your daughters tonight instead. Maybe a game to play or something new to eat for dinner. Switch your thinking to free your emotions so you can start gaining strength.