Are there any guides or help from people who have gone through this stuff?
Help!!
Regards, Gyn
Um... your wife is in the hospital, and asked the OM who was coming there to dump her to reconsider his decision.
She told the hospital that he was her husband when she was checking out! What do you think you should do?
She has chosen him. Maybe he will change his mind again and leave for good; maybe they will be happy together. Not your concern.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
How mistaken was I. I now see that my WAW has no feelings towards me at all. Just numbness. I feel like giving it all up.......
Sorry about all that has went on in the past few days. I am so glad to hear that WAW did not have stroke.
Have you read "Not just friends"? I recommend reading it to gain understanding.
Just remember that things are continually changing. Time is your friend.
Your WAW is confused right now. Best thing I did during the difficult time in my life was LET MY SPOUSE GO. I SET HER FREE. I FORGAVE HER. I WORKED ON ME. All of these things helped ME. It prevented me from attacking and making things worse....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She did not tell the hospital that he was her H, They presumed it. They only knew she was getting picked up.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
She did not tell the hospital that he was her H, They presumed it. They only knew she was getting picked up.
OK, that's a different story.
It doesn't change that she talked the OM into coming back to her. (And what kind of guy goes to the hospital to break up with someone, anyway? Yeah, that relationship is going to work out...)
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Are you advising that I hold my tongue for the moment, My emotions are high at the moment and I feel I would aggressivley show my anger.
Should I tell her how angry I am?
Should I invite her for the fireworks - or let her invite herself.
I still think she is very confused - but some things make me so angry.
Am I right in stopping ALL physical contact?
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
But I don\t think it is a R. Just 2 people supporting each other through difficult times. They have no physical contact. No-one has ever seen any. They dont call each other 'love' or other pet names. She has told him she only wants to know him as a 'friend' - nothing more.
I think my WAW is confused - but empty to me.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Have you set a boundary with your wife about the OM?
Can you describe why you feel angry?
How does it make you feel about your wife spending all this time with the OM?
Anger blinds us from seeing clearly. It's normal but don't do anything with her in state of anger.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You might not agree with me but sir you got slapped in the face twice when coming to your wife as a loving husband should in her time of need.
regroup? - you need to take some serious time away from this person. and Re-evaluate and concentrate on yourself as a individual not as a person in a functional unit of marriage.
Know Yourself.
I see here, the situation that you are codependent on your wife, your wife is codependent on another man. Sooner or later everyone is going to get sick and tired of eachother. Will this work out to your benefit? Depends on how well you know yourself and understand yourself as a individual when reconcillation is possible.
But for right now, she is shacked up with another guy. And you need to develop the confidence in yourself to have said "No, you are my wife. I dont feel confortable leaving this room." Immediately rather leaving an coming back, twice. You fell subordinate to some ahole stealing your wife. No More of this behavior.
Your anger and coldness is understandable, but as long as you harbor those negative emotions positive growth for yourself will be stunted or not be able to occur. I think it is important to go back to your initial post and question, "The blankness and zero responses from my wife are the hardest blows, how to avoid them please...." as this is really what you need for yourself right now.
Leave her alone and let her come wandering after.
No more phone calls, no more texting, no more family time. let her realize what she lost. something is amuck in fantasyland. why was she in the hospital? did OM say he was taking a break, leaving and she had a nervous breakdown? that behavior doesnt last in fantasy land, fantasy land is all about be happy and funny and sneaky. one or two more episodes of co-dependence and he will start questioning if everything she told him about you was really true and how flaked out she really is. have you ever seen this situation before?
Use the time that she starts to bring the demise of her affair as time to develop yourself as an individual without her. You may even begin to see her differently.
Amazon give good reviews for the 'Not just friends' book.
Is it that good?
If you give it your personal recommendation, then I will buy it next week.
Thanking You ALL for your help and input.
But am I right in not having any physical contact - this would be a 180 for me - and would be noticed for sure - It would make her angry, but this doesnt bother me much at the moment.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Are you advising that I hold my tongue for the moment, My emotions are high at the moment and I feel I would aggressivley show my anger.
Should I tell her how angry I am?
Should I invite her for the fireworks - or let her invite herself.
I still think she is very confused - but some things make me so angry.
Am I right in stopping ALL physical contact?
naw, tell her "sorry, I cant talk right now." or if she texts, respond with, "why is it everytime you text I am taking a crap. I'll get back to you later."
