I am in a similar situation. My X is getting married next month to her affair partner. He takes care of our kids sometimes and they love him. I could continue to hold anger towards him and my X for breaking up my family, but why should I? Instead, I suck it up and make the best of the situation by being courteous and friendly with him.
I have to agree with your boss. Dropping the hatred of the other woman is the best gift you can give yourself.
You need to come to acceptance that she is going to be a part of your kids lives otherwise this is going to keep eating at you.
And if you get to the point of dating, I can tell you that if you bring these things up in conversation on a date, it is a big turn off. One lady I date expresses nasty feelings towards her X's post D girlfriend (their marriage did not end because of infidelity). I think it is because her daughter actually enjoys doing things with her X and his girlfriend. Her attitude may be one of the reasons I am not pursuing her other than as a friend.
