Yikes! Need help, please.

[TrentC]

1: Stop that right now. He doesn't deserve to have his feelings spared. You are enabling his behavior by doing this.

I don't understand what I should be doing. I guess I should just not mention him and let the kids think whatever then want? I just want what is best for them.

What is best for them is for their spoiled, selfish father to figure out what kind of relationship he wants with his kids. And let him explain it to them.

[2: Bullshit. You don't get to put this on yourself; he's already doing that to you. Don't ever do that again.

Why not? My husband left me. Clearly, something is so wrong with me (in his eyes), that leaving his children was a better alternative than being around me.

Hope that pity party is working for you.

Your taking the blame for this means you are setting an expectation in your kids' minds that you can do something to fix it. You can't; the operative phrase is "in his eyes". You can't control how he feels about you, except to change yourself.

3: There is nothing wrong with hoping. I mean, that's what you are doing and why you are here, right? Just make it clear to your kids that Daddy chose to leave, so it's his choice to come back.

Yes, I hope, but the idea of her hoping and then having the dream crushed kills me. No little girl should have to waste her hopes wishing Daddy would come home.

It is your choice how to deal with that. I just think that being honest with the kids about whose choice it was to leave is best. They're going to figure it out eventually, anyway.

[4: Who gives a damn what his "thoughts" are? This is pursuing. He doesn't want to think about what his selfish behavior is doing to his family.

I thought as co-parents we should care and do something about our children's suffering. I wasn't emailing him for me, I honestly was going to do it for them. I need to help them!!

Which brings me back to "he doesn't want to think about what his behavior is doing to his family".

Answer me honestly: has any attempt to get him to own up to his responsibilities to his kids worked yet? Has any tearful phone call from his kids had any affect on his decision to leave?

My guess is no.

Whether you are doing it for yourself or for your kids, he doesn't want to hear it. And pushing him to be the dad he is supposed to be will probably work just as well as pushing him to be the husband he is supposed to be.