Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

I'm travelling and having a hard time getting around to catching up on here.

The conversation was kind of all over the place and was a lot of the old stuff. She hates that when I do something that she doesn't like or when we disagree, I explan myself, my thoughts, and my actions. It seems pretty clear to me that this is how communication works. She said it invalidates her.

I can ask her point of view and can even give concessions, but if I don't tell her that she is full on right it sets her defensive against me. She did say this time that she looks forward to when she doesn't feel so defensive against me though. That's something.

When we have had disagreements I generally reach out to her and tell her why I feel the way that I do. Her response it to "show me," to get defensive. Her defensiveness escallates my need to feel heard and I explan myself more. It's a horrible cycle.

She's still defensive and feels attacked every time I talk it seems. Example: I may want her to bring S home after school so I can spend time with him...she brings him to her GF's house. I tell her that I wish she had let me know she was going to do this because it affects my plans and I would like to see S. She goes off the deep end about how I am controlling her and don't want her to have friends. Huh? What? If I try to tell her my reasons, she says I am trying to "talk the issue away," and invalidate her.

Believe it or not, it was a very calm conversation. I led. I always lead. We ended it with a hug.

There have been a few hugs and kisses here and there since. She was feeling sick Sunday and Monday so I made sure to get her things from the store and take care of S. I gave her lots of space too. She even approached me that night to thank me and give me some hugs and she's texted me a few times over the past couple of days that I have been out of town.

We've been through these ups and downs before though so I am finding myself not reading too much into it. Afterall, she did go to her GF's (God I hate that relationship) Halloween party until 1:30 the other night.

She has 1/2 a foot in, which is better than it was I guess.