I'm new wondering if this works...

[TrentC]

Deep, et al - but for the WAS - will they ever yearn for what they cant have? I mean, they walked away, so they assume they can have us. But if we walk away - maybe they just don't care because they have chosen not to have us anyhow.

Deep has the right answer: It doesn't matter.

In theory, it should make a difference. They walked away and expected you to chase them. If you don't, it may cause them to wonder why not? But if you are ever to be the happy, confident person that has a chance of rekindling the R, you can't preoccupy yourself with their feelings.

It's just one of those DB principles I've always struggled with.

Well, there isn't a really logical answer. And you're right; it may not work for everyone, which is why one of the DB principles is "do what works, and stop doing what doesn't work".

* Pursuing almost never works; so stop pursuing for a few days and see what happens.
* Pleading with them to stay almost never works; next time the R comes up, agree that the marriage is beyond hope and see how they react.
* Moping around the house wondering why your spouse doesn't love you doesn't work; so try being happy without them and see if they notice.