she's almost CERTAINLY not as UNhappy/UNinlove as she exhibits right now.
It's the fog.
Puppy
PDT, I'm being thick today. Can you please explain this last bit to me. I'm not sure if you mean she is unhappy / uninlove with me now or she isn't that.
OR, as I've now edited this post do you mean she was not as unhappy / uninlove with me as she is CLAIMING she is now?
Sorry.
Last edited by P17; 11/04/0901:52 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
If I were you, I'd wear the wedding ring on the finger it is meant to be on. If you are married, you wear the ring. Just because your wife thinks she is not married, and acts as if not married, doesn't mean that you are going to do that nonesense. Plus, when she sees you without the ring she feels justified in her confused state she is in.
I agree. I have been wanting to wear it again for some time now. I think I just needed a push.
It is back on my wedding finger and it is NOT coming off until the D.
I cherished my marriage. I cherished the vows, even though I am not religious. I stood and said I would stand by my wife for better or for worse and this is one of those 'for worse' times. I will not abandon her, regardless of what I say in dark or low moments of despair. I will be judged by my actions alone.
Thank you.
Last edited by P17; 11/04/0902:03 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I thought I'd share some lyrics from a song by Colin Hay - Water Song. I thought it was appropriate and if you listen to it just expresses how sad all of this is for both spouses.
The latter. It's the classic "re-writing of marital history," and it's caused by the brain chemicals of an active affair. It affects not just what they SAY to you, but how they ACT toward you.
I agree. I have been wanting to wear it again for some time now. I think I just needed a push.
It is back on my wedding finger and it is NOT coming off until the D.
I cherished my marriage. I cherished the vows, even though I am not religious. I stood and said I would stand by my wife for better or for worse and this is one of those 'for worse' times. I will not abandon her, regardless of what I say in dark or low moments of despair. I will be judged by my actions alone.
I'm not sure why PDT, but it does actually mean a lot coming from you.
I took everything out of the house that reminded me of my W as she had moved on. But what has that got to do with ME?
No. She has moved on. That is her decision. It was her choice to break our family apart for a man she hardly knew. It was her choice to leave me and my daughter. It was her choice not to fight for what we had. Putting everything away was a reaction to what she did.
I never left. I didn't want to break the marriage apart so why should *I* follow her example and ignore a fantastic marriage, love and happiness because she has? I have no control over her. I do have control over me.
This is about me. And what I am doing. I am proud of my marriage as I said. I want people to know that I am still married. Me. Nothing to do with her. I will not follow her examples. Her examples are flawed and from a place of instability and addiction to her OM. I will follow my own.
UCL (if it does exist) is to say to everyone - I am still committed to the vows I took and the marriage I had with the woman I love and I will stay that way as that is the person I am - FOR BETTER OR WORSE. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this but I am determined to find out.
Unless the ground changes in some way where it makes this difficult, I will keep going with this. This is my life and I will live it how I choose and not on reactions to what somebody else does, especially somebody who is not thinking clearly.
Wedding photo has gone back up again. I took it down as I was scared that she thought maybe I was using them to get her back or showing her that I haven't moved on. I have moved on, but that doesn't mean I have given up on my marriage. And it's something I no longer see as weak or something to be ashamed of. Standing up for what you want and believe in, in the face of this kind of onslaught of emotions, rumours, anger and hatred and continuing to stand up for it when it all seems like it's too much is somebody who has strength, commitment and UCL within them. That is the person I want to be and that is the kind of person I would want to be with.
Vent over.
Last edited by P17; 11/04/0903:03 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
"If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; . . . If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same . . . Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it." -- (Joseph) Rudyard Kipling
I may never get my W back but I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, I tried my best, and move on.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I think so long as you can differentiate between "Unconditional Love" and "Enabling Love With No Boundaries," you're fine.
It's saying to someone "I LOVE you unconditionally. But I do have boundaries of personal integrity, which are MORE IMPORTANT to me than my love for you. Even Jesus, when forgiving the adulteress, said 'Go and sin no more' -- that was His boundary. I LOVE you, but I don't NEED you, and I will do what I have to do to protect myself while I am standing for our marriage. There will come a time when I can no longer stand, because my patience is not without its limits, but for now, I WILL stand, and I WILL insist upon these boundaries."
I LOVE you, but I don't NEED you, and I will do what I have to do to protect myself while I am standing for our marriage. There will come a time when I can no longer stand, because my patience is not without its limits, but for now, I WILL stand, and I WILL insist upon these boundaries."
Yes - that is exactly what I mean. There comes a time when you have to stand up, say your piece and be counted. But there is also a time where you know there is nothing more to be said and that the fight is only going to be detrimental to yourself.
That is where the strength, commitment and UCL comes in. Strength to stand up and be counted. Commitment to stand up for what you believe and UCL to know when to let go.
My W was over tonight to babysit for me. I'm not sure whether to post about it now or digest it and post later.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
