Question

[awest1217]

Thanks to all! Reading everything has given me a new sense of what I am trying to do. I am trying to save my marriage. I need to refocus on the strategies and not the hurt or pain because that is keeping score. Yes it bothers me, but why give him that power? One thing in DR about affairs says to find out what the OP fulfills in your spouse that you do not. I have been wondering that for a while. I know one thing is that she listens to him, which is why I responded. I need to start fulfilling that spot, instead of her. Also she helps fulfill his codependence because he always needs to have someone to "save", and I have never been that type of girl.

Later last night he text me to say that he is sad, and started complaining. All I did was validate and ask some clarifying questions, but I never let took any responsibility for the sadness or accuse him of anything. I just asked questions to let him know I was listening. If I was talking to him, I would have just kept my mouth shut and let him talk, but I needed to say something when texting so he knew I got the text.

I really feel I have gone way off track and need to get back on. This website I got on to help me stay on track and save my marriage, not just complain about my H, although at times I need to do that to vent. I need to refocus because H is making some real progress and I need to realize it because some of what he is doing I wrote in my goals two months ago. He has done two of my "baby steps", but I did not acknowlege them. He has been calling to check up on me, and he said he would like to go out just the two of us. Yes according to LRT, I am doing the right thing by being vague, and I also feel I was right in telling him I am going to say no until he is done with OW because I have to set a boundary, but I need to also acknowledge the good steps so that I know he is making progress, and hopefully through much more work we too can be a success story.