Spouse Suffering From Depression

[awest1217]

Lucky,

Remember if you truly are about divorce busting, you need to focus on doing this because you have a strategy in mind and keep track on if it is working. This should not be about "making him see what it will be like" because that to me feels too much like you are keeping score. I just realized what I am telling you this morning as I have read my own, and cling's sitch's. The whole point of this program is not to show the other person what they are doing is wrong, but to give ideas of how to let them figure that out on their own, how to free yourself if things go bad, and finally make yourself a better person.

I am not sure if you read DB or DR. I read DR, although I am sure DB is the same way. The first thing it says is to pick a strategy (right now yours would be the Last Resort Technique, which means no contact on less need be). Then it says to journal everyday about how you are feeling and how H is responding. After a few weeks, you should start to see changes in his behavior. Once again looking for small baby steps to know that your strategy is working. Maybe he is texting more (looking for positive texts and not drunk sad ones). Maybe he asks to see S. Maybe it is larger and he asks what to do about his depression. Who knows?

So to answer your question, you have chosen a strategy, now you need to stick to it. Here is what I wrote down about LRT. H has my book so I can't refer to it right now, but I first read DR from the library so I took notes (the teacher and student in me).

1. Stop chasing H - you are already doing this, but you just need to keep not texting him or calling him unless it is a true emergency

2. Get a life - this is the part I struggle with because of having a young S like you, but find something you can do and just do it. It was easier for me this summer because there was less to do, but find something for you. For me this summer, every Wednesday my friends and their S would come over and was So You Think You Can Dance. It was a good time to bond. Then once a month we would have a girl's night. One thing I put is don't respond to H if you are busy. So if you are in the middle of something he can wait.

3. Wait and Watch - make sure you journal about how you are feeling and how H responds. If nothing happens, the book said at least you have gained your self-respect back. If is "curious", so starting to talk to you more; be loving, but vague. Stay Upbeat! Say good bye when you are done and don't have him always be the one to say it first. Don't start relationship talks.

Make sure you have written goals for yourself and look for H to meet those. Make sure your write them like it says in the book.

Sorry it is so long, but I hope it helps!