Sending hugs, prayers and condolences for the loss of your uncle to you and your family. Tugs at mortality are rough when a sibling dies. It can also have a silver lining. Being alive beats the alternative.
How to show love.. hmmmm. Some of the most precious actions are those that show you know someone. A small action.. not a huge proclamation. What little things do you do for your kids without thinking because you know it makes them feel better? My daughter loves to have her back scratched. I'll do it sometimes while walking past her. It's something she likes but doesn't think to ask for. What about your spouse? It might just be a sunshine smile.
It's progress, not perfection in reconciliation. Your spouse might want you to listen, be a cheerleader rather than fix or improve. Listen. Ask him. Have him tell you what he needs. Of course, I'm not in the position you're in and don't know what you're going through. My former spouse was gone like the wind and never looked back.
What are your biggest hurdles? What do you need to feel at ease? It sounds like total transparency in all communications he has or doesn't have with her is important. Your spouse giving the passwords to his email account(s) might fit the bill. Men need to be told what to do when it comes to womenfolk or so I've read. Clear, specific, this is a deal breaker directions not "I know how to get this on my own" type of threats.
From the beginning you've said he has the ability to win you back. And you're struggling because he's starting to do them or else you wouldn't find yourself in this quandary.
Try following this formula when you talk to him about stuff outside your comfort zone:
When you do (insert action), I feel (emotion) because (how it specifically makes me feel).
For example, when my daughter makes plans without consulting me and screws up my schedule.
"When you schedule your voice lesson without checking with me, I feel disrespected because what I have planned doesn't seem to matter."
It probably comes off better than telling her she's selfish.
With that said... Yay, Kalni, Go, Sunshine... You're best!!! shaking my pompoms
