did you get apology? Remorse? Regret? Hesitation?

[Augtan]

I have gotton many different things you are talking about from XH. I did it all wrong as far as DBing goes for 2 years and still slide back. My XH and I were very close and shared everything, so not telling him what was going on with me and how much he was hurting me and the kids was next to impossible for me (and not knowing I was causing more damage didn't help).

He was here a few weeks ago, we spent what would have been our 18th wedding anniversary together. We rehased everything, but in a much better way. In the end he said "you have said everything you can possibly say, I hear you, I just need time to process all this, I need to figure this out on my own, you telling me all this isn't helping". I thought that was pretty insightful and it made me hopeful. We slept together the next night, I layed in bed with him for 2 hours before that touching his back, which he loves!! The next day we went to D10's parent-teacher conference, our son's b-day party with my family, and that whole day I saw my real H again. He was there, he was back, I was even more hopeful. Then, he leaves to go back where he lives 700 miles away and to the arms of OW!! And, off to crazy land he went again...but then...he called and said he was going to go to C on his own. And, although I never asked he told me several times where he was and what he was doing and it didn't involve OW..but then...this past week he asks to talk to me and tells me he is going on a "date" with OW...so back to crazyland!! Now, no real contact for days, just an e-mail regarding business stuff and a little about how it had been 10 yrs since we had moved from Chicago to Atlanta. I have gotton many apologies, but all they were was BS!! Nothing really heartfelt and meaningful.

I guess I can say that I am glad I said the things I did, I just wish I hadn't done them when I did and saved them for when things were over and done with...which I am not sure we are there yet or will ever be...XH told me when we were getting the D..."well if the D doesn't work out we can just get back together" More crazytown cause as long as OW is in the picture there is no getting back together. I felt like if I didn't say it he would never know, so I said everything I could think of hoping it would spark some thoughts in him that he was making a mistake, it only hurt things. I guess what I am trying to say is if you think it is over no matter what, that there is nothing at all he could do or say to make you take him back, the door is closed forever...then say your peace and who cares how he reacts. You just have to go into it telling yourself that no matter what he says or does in reactions to what you tell him, it makes no difference to you and you can handle it. Just IMO!!

Me-39
XH-42
T-21 M- over 17
D16, S14, D10
Bomb-7/07
moved out-9/07
moved back-12/07
moved out for good-7/08
D final-5/09
bomb he was with her all along-9/09