I did write about it on a thread but it has been awhile. (http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...814#Post1842814) Essentially H accidently sent me an email, calling me a derogatory name, which he meant to send to his sister. He tried to recall it with no luck. When I first received the email, I was stunned and trying not to react...after all, he cheated, left us, started an affair with a friend (ex) of mine, filed for divorce...and is calling me names?!?!? I didn't respond to the email. About 20 minutes later, I received a long email from him not only apologizing for the email but for all of the hurt that he has caused. He also acknowledged that he has been at war with me in his mind and that, coupled with the guilt he felt, accounted for his nastiness towards me.
The challenge was how to respond. It certainly was an opportunity to let him know how I felt, get a couple of things off my chest. You see, I have NEVER told him what I thought. When I first got the bomb, I immediately implemented DB principles - although not because I read the book, but because it was my reaction to the shock. So I waited the entire day before responding to his email.
I thanked him for his apology, accepted it, acknowledged that it was heartfelt and let it go.
What good would it do to let him know what he did to me...the hurt, the anger, the betrayal? I may have 60 seconds of some type of relief, or maybe even some small peace...but it changes nothing. He still left, he is still dating a former friend of mine, and I am still divorced.
I think that they all know what they have done. They don't need us to tell them. They may try and bury it, hide it, pretend that they haven't done this, or even justify it, but they know deep down what they have done. Us verbalizing it does nothing. And really, if your spouse is in a nasty state, I don't think the small sense of satisfaction you may get from talking to him will outweigh him realizing that he got to you. I don't know your situation and what you are dealing with, but my ex did not have much nastiness for the first two years that he left. This past summer however, he was just looking for fights with me..I think it was to justify him leaving. Me talking to him about all of his "wrongs" would have been just the thing that he was looking for to pick a fight.
So that is my situation. Would I love to lay it all out for him? Yes. Will I. No. Moving on for me means recognizing that I can't change what has happened and letting go of the past.
