Question

[ClingingToHope]

Hey Awest and Lucky, I'm looking for female input on my sitch. Please visit.

[awest1217]

I am having a rough night tonight. H still has not called, which upsets me, but mostly I am very overwhelmed today by raising a 2 yr old boy by myself. He is so energetic and constantly wanting my attention. After the past two weeks of him being sick so focusing completely on him and getting our world back to "normal", I just need a break. It is a lot to deal with. My sister calls me "wonder woman" because her husband had a short PA, but never left and constantly says I don't know how you do it. I am not all that. Really I am not. Days like today show that I am not as strong as people think me to be. I am very tired, overwhelmed and just really need some time to myself, but S will not even go to bed unless I am holding him, and honestly I don't have enough strength to fight with him to stay in bed and hear him cry because he just wants his mommy.

I know I am complaining here, but I just feel like crying, and I don't know why. I am just so weary tonight. Hopefully better after a bath, some "So You Think You Can Dance" and a good night's rest.

Also my neck and back are soar with a soar throat. I am worried...I am getting sick..."wonder woman" can't get sick. There is no time...lol

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((awest)))))

In my opinion, at two, and with all that's going on, if the little guy wants to sleep with you, I don't see a bit of a problem with it.

[awest1217]

I agree, and I don't mind him sleeping with me because I think part of it is that he wants to make sure I am there and not leaving also, but my problem is this summer I used the time after S went to bed to recharge me. Give me a time to just relax without having to worry about him or if he is ok. Just really relax. I need to refind that time so that I don't have more or worse of these nights where I am overwhelmed or get to a place where I break down because I am overwhelmed. Tonight it will be when I take a bath in a bit while he watches a show in my room which is next door so I can just relax then we will sit downstairs. He will go to sleep and I will watch So You Think You Can Dance.

[Virtually_Handsome]

That sounds like a plan! If you get him to sleep early enough it gives you a chance to get up and do "you" stuff.

What you are doing is hard... catch a break whenever you have a chance!

[awest1217]

So H text me and said "just wanted to say good night. hope you sleep well". I wanted to text back what is that you don't call or text to say you aren't going to do anything with S but you text me a pitty text just to say good night. what is that! But I didn't instead I just Thanks you too and Are you alright? Nothing back, but nothing new there. I have decided to drop off the bills after work tomorrow. He won't be home because he has therapy.

S would not go to bed until lat, and he feels warm to me, but that might be just me. I hope so...

[2B_2_AS_1]

Awest,

I have a two year old D as well. X and I are not together. She is like your S in that she is so energetic and loves her Daddy's attn. When I have her I am nonstop trying to take care of her. The X lives with her Mom and her mom does not work. She has it somewhat easy in that regard. Having an extra person around is monumental.

When my D is with me, she sleeps with me. I don't get really enough time with her anyway, so for me to put her in the another area is more time apart. I enjoy just snuggling up with the D. Sometimes I do need to break away and lay by myself, so when she goes to sleep I sneak off and get on the couch for a while. A little me time never hurts. I just have to rest when she rests though or else she will wear me out.

Hang in there. I also have a 16 yr old D, so I know it does get easier as time goes on.

If you get a chance, take a peek at my situation and you will see what I am talking about. Let me know what you think. I am not sure how to place a link, but the thread is Needing Advice in the Newcomer's Forum.

Tks...

[ClingingToHope]

You are getting tons of good advice and I don't have much to add. Go to sleep early with S and then slip out and have some "me" time. That bath will feel even better later.

I wouldn't respond to the text. There was nothing really to say.

[Lucky11too]

I agree with all those above. The best thing you can do for your S is to take care of yourself. I know that when I am exhausted, it sure makes life a lot more difficult to handle. Although I have not been good at it, I would say CTH was right about not responding to that text. He doesn't even deserve any acknowledgement after what he put u and S thru. So selffish of him! And yes, you are wonderwoman - don't forget it. Even when you feel weak, the fact that you have been so strong and have raised such a wonderful little boy (& I know, I can't believe how busy little boys are!) more than speaks for itself!

[awest1217]

Thanks to all! Reading everything has given me a new sense of what I am trying to do. I am trying to save my marriage. I need to refocus on the strategies and not the hurt or pain because that is keeping score. Yes it bothers me, but why give him that power? One thing in DR about affairs says to find out what the OP fulfills in your spouse that you do not. I have been wondering that for a while. I know one thing is that she listens to him, which is why I responded. I need to start fulfilling that spot, instead of her. Also she helps fulfill his codependence because he always needs to have someone to "save", and I have never been that type of girl.

Later last night he text me to say that he is sad, and started complaining. All I did was validate and ask some clarifying questions, but I never let took any responsibility for the sadness or accuse him of anything. I just asked questions to let him know I was listening. If I was talking to him, I would have just kept my mouth shut and let him talk, but I needed to say something when texting so he knew I got the text.

I really feel I have gone way off track and need to get back on. This website I got on to help me stay on track and save my marriage, not just complain about my H, although at times I need to do that to vent. I need to refocus because H is making some real progress and I need to realize it because some of what he is doing I wrote in my goals two months ago. He has done two of my "baby steps", but I did not acknowlege them. He has been calling to check up on me, and he said he would like to go out just the two of us. Yes according to LRT, I am doing the right thing by being vague, and I also feel I was right in telling him I am going to say no until he is done with OW because I have to set a boundary, but I need to also acknowledge the good steps so that I know he is making progress, and hopefully through much more work we too can be a success story.