To answer your question, YES. If you don't value and love yourself, I don't see how you (or anyone else) can have a healthy R with anyone else.
Also, do you have a counselor. A counselor could really help you through many of these issues. If $ is an issue, you should check with your health insurer and see if you have coverage for counseling or seeing a psychologist.
Take a deep breath. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You simply have to calm down. Don't blame you for feeling like you do, but you have to control yourself.
