Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[Gardener]

Bim,

Me: I'm happy to take the boys to school this morning, but WHEN are you going to start showing me some respect and not wait until the last minute to tell me things? Why didn't you tell me last night before I went to bed? You KNOW I am a planner and that I would have made some adjustments to my morning routine had I known that I would be taking them to school.

H: Don't worry about it, I'll take them to school. I got you.

Me:

I dunno, bim. It's tough to remain focused when things get emotional, but here might have been a good point to say, "Well, okay, then."

I don't think it was a perfectly worded boundary: "when are you going to show me..." but, by the transcript, he "got it," (at least this time.) Either that or I'm missing something. (It happens.)

I DO NOT SEE A WAY TO MAKE THIS M WORK. I love H, always will. I just don't see how he will ever want to find his way back to me. This is not about how daily things go, that he wants to be with someone newer, younger. No, he does not trust me or believe anything I say. I have lived the last 20 years having sexual contact with nobody else but him and he doesn't trust me. Actions speak louder than words and neither my actions or my words have had any impact on him. He refuses to believe that I have been faithful. How do I compete with that?

You don't. You can't.

At this point, I feel like I need to detach, come up with my plan to create a life for me and the boys separate from my H, and seek help to implement those changes.

I understand.And we're all here to help you implement changes, too.

Keep going.