August, We KNOW that MLC exists, we understand. You know, you could have known about MLC and this site on day one, and still found yourself unable to stop his crazy spin, or the D. But you would have at least had some support. It's unfortunate you didn't.
I’d like to renegotiate “The rule of thumb” with you. Otherwise, I’m looking at just over 13 years. I’ve also heard of “The rule of thumb of one year for every five married”. Could I sell you on that one? Better yet, let’s start a new Rule of Thumb. Every person has been blessed with the privilege of being unique in this world. We all get to make our own rules, and change them when we think we need to. Hey, if it works for a MLCer ……
What Jack often encourages folks to do is just what you mentioned, the “other steps necessary”. Yours may be different from other people and you may have your own timeline. He’s only pressing to understand your focus on your unique plans for self growth. You’re right about accepting your anger and surely your C is trying to help with that. Anger is often called the gateway emotion that controls all other emotions. You gotta deal with anger to move on to happy, or forgiveness, or commercials with people dancing in a meadow. Supporting folks that are trying to restore their happy is what we’re about. Sometimes the medication is in the form of a (((hug))), and sometimes it is a virtual smack on the noggin.
One all too common aspect of MLC is the complete absence of an answer to “why?”
Why did it happen to him/her/me/us? Why didn’t I see it in time to do something? It is so very hard to reach that point where we realize the waste in asking the “why”. Any answer from the MLCer would only be their best guess at a question with no right answer. They would most likely script a reply intended to justify the nonsense to them alone. We might as well ask “Why … are we still asking why?” Try to work on being comfortable with not knowing something that just doesn’t exist, and knowing that it doesn’t. Don’t sit and wonder about something that isn’t there. He has no answer, there isn’t one. He has no idea, and always will be … clueless as to Why? If you have to have an answer, try “Because his bowl of cereal didn’t Snap, Crackle or Pop anymore”. It’s no more ridiculous than the cr@p he will one day try to offer up! There's no CSI or autopsy that can solve the why.
Right now you’re busy doing the impossible - raising three kids alone. You don't have any time off and making it to the next day is a struggle. But along with getting your 16 yr old to go to school, therapy, working full-time...and keeping your head above water… you’re teaching yourself and your kids to overcome unexpected and impossible odds.
When you do all those impossible things for everyone else, remember you’re doing them for yourself also. It makes you stronger for yourself and those you love. You’re not just surviving but conquering. When you have more time for you, it will be nice, but something will be missing … all those things that keep you so busy, and your kids. It will come soon enough. When you do have a few minutes to spend with friends, kids, or reading – just remember what a conqueror you are. Be the parent the kids never forget, because they may come to you for support and strength one day asking “why?”
