I'd say stop the mathematical musings which serve only to soothe you with the illusion of being able to predict that which is not predictable. What other purpose does it serve? Can you see the downside?
For what it's worth, I gave my marriage a 10% chance of surviving as of 28 months ago and then about 25% 18 months ago. Where I got this "empirically based data," is a mystery to me, although at the time I pretended there was science to it.
Here I am. While I feel lucky and fortunate, I don't feel I won the lottery. This isn't about numbers and though it's important to be realistic when it comes to planning our lives...too much "planning" and not enough living is what strikes me.
Also I get the impression you are in your head way too much & Not enough in your heart. Does that comment make any sense to you? While it's protective, it may also bring about the very thing you fear; i.e., disconnections from those you love. We all do this to some extent. Some people fear losing their partner so much that they smother them and then, they lose them.
If you let your fears grow too much, they CAUSE the very thing you so wanted to avoid. And as a woman, just seeing those calculations was a turn off. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I sense you need to know this. Do you speak to her like this? Giving your marriage "mathematical analysis"? It sure isn't passionate or romantic my friend.
Just a thought... (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'd say stop the mathematical musings which serve only to soothe you with the illusion of being able to predict that which is not predictable. What other purpose does it serve? Can you see the downside?
Yeah, that really won't help the situation at all.
A month ago, I said that there is no way my wife was going to stay with me. Yesterday, our lives were almost back to "normal" (although there is still an open question about the future of the R).
Maybe in a month, we'll be recommitting to each other and doing MC to work on the issues. Maybe in a month she'll decide that she can't love me any more and leave. There's no point in fretting about either possibility.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
.Letting go of outcomes, TO ME, means doing your best in a tough situation and then leaving the results up to God. Life is short so what else can you do that's healthy anyhow?
Yep. If you do your best in a tough situation, and then leave the results up to God...what more can one really do?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Curious on peoples thoughts regarding not seeing or talking to S, only communication is email. I haven't seen my WAW in almost 2 weeks and I try not to talk to her unless needed. Email and txt is the primary communication. When detaching, does it help to not see the person for a month or longer? I feel that ive been making good progress the past week but today was a bad day for me, thinking about my S. Im worried that when I finally do see her again, all of the emotions, memories, and feelings will come streaming back. Just curious how those who have detached from their spouse handled this.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
You'll feel all those emotions and more. You are going to go through so many ups and downs you won't even know how your "really" feel.
It's all part of the process. It really does come down to the fact that only you can make yourself feel a certain way. I've had to imagine like my W is a crazy relative who comes to visit every now and then.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Going on 7 weeks of not seeing WAS and a few emails and 3 minutes in conversation. It gets easier and easier. I do think about those beautiful blue eyes every once in awhile. Man, I could just fall into them. But I mostly think that I am glad that I have no idea about her affair.. Nor do I want to know about it. Even then its just a few minutes a day.
Some days are hard. And reminders are everywhere. I saw a halloween t-shirt the WAS wears and it got me thinking for 5 minutes. Winter touques also remind me of the WAS. She had like 50 of them and rotated them all the time. So when I see winter touques she pops in my head.
When I think of her like that I smile. Good memories. The little day to day details. Whats not to like about them? All those years together. Lots of good memories. Better to keep the good memories as they are and let bitterness take over them.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
wow, 7 weeks, yes, it is tough. Its only been 2 weeks since ive seen my WAW. The last time I saw her she asked if we would still have sex with her until the divorce. I know this wouldnt help me at all, since I still have feeling for her (and she is supposedly over me). I have to keep myself from calling her, I know it will only damage what ive worked on so far. Its just one of those needs and I keep wondering how long it will be until I have sex again.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I have no idea when I will again either. Been awhile as well. The final testing happens next week for STD's. I want to make sure I am ok.
I find that if you have a few good friends of the other sex. Just give them a hug when you see them. Its interaction. And it will help get you past it. The rest of the stuff can wait until your ready again.
If I was you I would get tested as well. Based on your stitch.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
3 weeks since ive seen my WAW. The past 3 days have been tough. I feel like Im back to the point where I want to tell her how much I love her and want her back. I know I cant do this. I keep thinking "Does she really not care about me at all?" Being with someone that long and having them drop you like a mat is tough. Just last week I thought about how exciting my life could be, starting over, a second chance. No kids, so nothing to hold me back. Maybe the way I am feeling now is fear of the new future. Part of me still has a shred of hope that my W will come back, but I think she may have done to much damage by telling her friends and family how "bad" our M was. Sometimes she cant swallow her pride, and this would be a tough pill to swallow.
Last edited by brknheart; 11/10/0903:50 PM.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
She already knows you care, so don't give away anymore of your energy by telling her. It won't accomplish what you want it to. Yeah, being with somebody for a long time and then being rejected by them, completely, is a hard thing to take...I know.
My advice to you is to continue to detatch. That doesn't mean giving up...it simply means letting go of the outcome.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
