The Quick Solution & being "Unique"

[Kettricken]

If you partner doesn't value you or the relationship they have with you, you need to detach and let go of them. Attempting to prove to them that you are worthy of a relationship with them actually accomplishes the opposite, having to prove to someone that you are worthy actually suggests that you aren't. Telling someone repeatedly that you've changed suggests that you haven't.

Actions speak louder than words.

THIS.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Robx,

Very nice thread. Thank you for your insight.

[Ready2Change]

As far as my POV on the quick solution:

1) Commit to continual personal growth Become the best YOU that you can. Continually make positive changes for YOU. The personal help section of the bookstore has a wealth of knowledge.

2) Commit to being the best "Dad" or "Mom" YOU can be if there are children involved (you are their role model). Stand up for your right as a parent and do what is right for them. Do not let your spouses poor choices affect YOUR relationship with your children.

3) Find internal happiness. Do things that make YOU happy. Enjoy the day (even if others are not). Do not put your happiness into another persons hands - IE DETACH.


4) Be ahead of the curve and be able to predict what spouse may do, but more important: HOW YOU WILL RESPOND TO THEIR BEHAVIOR.

[robx]

In the end, I hope everyone realizes that there is NO quick solution.

[Ready2Change]

In the end, I hope everyone realizes that there is NO quick solution.

Correct, the best thing we can do is control our thoughts,words and actions to prevent the relationship from getting worse.

[FaithnAK]

This is another post that I found very enlightening. It really gives a perspective on Time through out the post. A very good way of pointing out that no matter how we view our sitches there is a similar prob in all. We really have to evaluate ourselves and how we hastened/hindered our current situations to ever be truly effective in DB'ing. IT ALL TAKES TIME regardless of the sitch.

P.s. I stumbled across this searching for many threads. Not targeting Robx specifically, but he is very motivational and accurate in my opinion. I hope everyone finds benefit from this post. I personally quoted this to my new thread.

[gutwrenching]

Great post. Wish I had found this one early on...lets keep it near the top, great info for everyone

[SoTorn]

Great post. However, the portion where the LBS suddenly wakes up because of BD isnt true in my situation. I woke up several years ago and recognized my behavior that was damaging my MR. I made huge changes in who I am and recognized that I needed to change for me and to treat my W and kids better. Therefore over the course of three years I did just that.

So even though I am now and have been for a while AMOAFWL, my WW didnt even care. Even though she acknowledged that I changed initially and that I was being a better husband and father, she decided her selfish desires were more important than me and our family and chose to hurt me as badly as possible.

I found myself regardless and I moved on, because I deserve much better.